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What’s the use?

Will Puckett | Tuesday, September 23, 2003

I wonder if anyone would notice if I just wrote blah blah blah blah blah five hundred times. What’s that? The grammar Nazis would? Dangit.

Anyways, there’s really nothing horribly funny going on around campus, it seems. The epidemic of laughing sickness seems to have died down, and some might argue that it’s been replaced by a studying sickness.

Of course, I could always fall back on ridiculing some campus issue without knowing all the facts, but Fives did that so beautifully yesterday I think I’d better not attempt that.

I could write volumes about how the football team needs to improve, how Brady Quinn needs to start or how even I can snap the ball out of the shotgun. But I think I’ll leave finding reasons to beat a dead horse to the administration – they are, after all, experts at it.

Abusing the whipping-boy pulpit I have here, I suppose I’ll head on to condemn some social issue or problem that every single person on this campus has totally ignored and needs to be addressed right this very second before we do anything else, so drop your lunch and run outside and make this happen right now, do it now! *gasp*

Daisy, daisy, give me your answer do; I’m half crazy, all for the love of you.

You hear that? That’s the sound of Araxynthex, the new kickass band you’ve just GOT to listen to. If you don’t listen to this band, you’re not really a true Irish fan! Uhh! Yeah! Excuse me while I go bash myself in the head with my (pop) can!

AIM is the greatest invention since the cotton gin. AIM is God’s gift to college campuses. AIM is the solution to all those pesky nights when you need to procrastinate and just can’t find any other way. AIM is the end-all, be-all time-waster! Why can’t we have AIM in the dining halls instead of TV’s?

TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

None of the above probably make much sense, and I realize it sounds like a bunch of sound bites taken out of context from California recall election candidates.

I suppose that’s the real point, though: virtually every Inside Column ever written falls somewhere into one of those categories. Including this one. So what’s the use? Wait… I know.

So THAT’s why I keep on finding pages out of the paper in the bathroom…