God, Country, Notre Dame, Bono.
Tom Raaf | Monday, November 17, 2003
With so much wrong going on in our world, there is only one thing that can put my soul at rest every night before I lie down to sleep. That one thing, my dear friends, is U2’s lead singer, Bono.
Singer, songwriter and prophet, Bono embodies all that is good, pure and greed-free. More of an essence than a man, I think Bono is the greatest thing to happen to this University since that guy who ran for student body president with a cat as his vice president (circa 1970). Using only one name to describe himself, I believe this great man should be listed among others who have achieved such an honor. Just think; Jesus, Ghandi, Cher, Oprah, Sinbad and Bono.
In case you’ve missed it, Campus Ministry recently began the four part series “The Gospel According to Bono,” which analyzes the spiritual nature of Bono’s body of lyrics, and of course their divine inspiration. You know, secretly I always did have a hunch that the gospels were supposed to be Matthew, Mark, Luke and Bono. John? Yeah, right. Who the hell is John? Apparently some sort of Bono wannabe is what I say. Just listen, and I mean really listen, to some of Bono’s lyrics, and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. They speak volumes. Furthermore, if you ask me, this should be at least a ten part series and the scope should be widened to include everything from Bono’s extensive collection of unnecessary indoor Grandma driving glasses to his wide variety of highly spiritual dance moves and ability to raise souls to a better place.
And can you believe that none of the newspapers have reviewed U2’s latest full-size poster, “Spirit, Soul, Redemption, Salvation, Emancipation, Prophecy, WILL”? I mean, how long do we have to wait to know if it’s worth buying or not. Well not to worry folks, I have a friend in the poster business and he told me that this is the coolest U2 poster yet! It has a picture of Bono surrounded by each one of the 12,678 charities he devotes his life to when he’s not busy living like a rock star. Wow, who doesn’t this amazing humanitarian have time to support? The poster also involves an interactive feature in which you can match your hand up to Bono’s and you will be fully assumed into heaven for a period of 10 seconds! Awesome! I think the rest of the band may also be on it somewhere.
Now this may be a little over the top, but I just got a fantastic idea. As we all know, the pope’s health has been fading recently and sooner or later he will need a suitable replacement. Seriously, now, take a minute and think. Is there anybody who would better suit this role than our favorite rock star Bono? Doubtful. Who cares that he’s essentially been on the fence between Catholicism and Protestantism his entire life, not picking a side as not to displease either side of the Irish consumer population … I still think he’s our man.
Tom Raaf is a Dillon junior who suggests that you have a beautiful day instead of writing an angry Bono-loving Viewpoint.