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Props to you

Kenyatta Storin | Tuesday, October 5, 2004

Props to you if…

Your NCAA football dynasty always takes priority over homework. You think there should be a campus-wide beer pong league.

Despite what everyone says you realize that “The Boondock Saints” truly is a horrible piece of cinema. You hate Barry Bonds.

You hate people who wear Yankees hats, but have never even been to New York before.

You think people that pop their collars look ridiculous. You think 50 Cent is overrated.

You wish you had a Jesus action figure (yes, they do exist). Within the last year you busted out your old Super Nintendo to play Mario again.

A part of you feels sad that the Expos are leaving Montreal. You think Dave Chapelle is god. You don’t think Dave Matthews is god.

You don’t understand what the big deal about NASCAR is and don’t care to find out. You hate Jared from Subway with a passion. You go out drinking four or more nights a week and scoff at people who think that is a sign of alcoholism.

You hate both George Bush and John Kerry. You know what “Aqua Team Hunger Force” is. Your idea of a good pep rally is having forties at four. You played “Chrono Trigger” back in the day.

You think the BCS makes about as much sense as a “South Park” episode. You wish Bill O’Reilly would just shut up and go away. You can’t wait for “Family Guy” to come back on the air.

You are glad that “Friends” is finally off the air. You have about as much dorm spirit as Michael Moore at a Republican rally. You know that not all rap sounds like the crap you hear on the radio.

You respect anime as a legitimate art form. Your idea of working out is doing a power hour. You didn’t go out drinking because you were going to study for a test and ended up just playing video games all night instead.

You got giddy when you saw that the old “Star Wars” movies were coming out on DVD. You miss the NHL about as much as you miss the XFL.

Your fantasy football team is more important to you than your GPA. You are unhappy that Tom Timmermans won’t be gracing the floor of the Joyce Center this year.

Your Mondays seem empty and unfulfilled whenever there isn’t a new Strong Bad e-mail. You are a senior and still don’t know the words to the Alma Mater.

When you don’t have much money and you need to choose between buying beer or buying food, you always buy the beer. You read this because you had nothing better to do.