I never really need an excuse to watch horror movies. However, in the extremely unlikely event that you aren't exactly like me, get yourself together and realize that Halloween is here, and you must honor it by watching things die while eating popcorn.
I've sat through countless hours of horror movies, and since this is almost the season to be jolly and give presents, I've decided to lend my professional advice about what to watch on this candy-filled day of joy.
The modern classics: "The Exorcist" (still the best), "Alien" (makes me not want to go into outer space), "Hellraiser" (this one's gory), "The Shining" (Jack Nicholson's performance still outshines the competition), "A Nightmare on Elm Street" (Johnny Depp's first film role), "Friday the 13th" (there are now ten sequels), "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (this has three unpublicized sequels, not including the recent remake), "Poltergeist", "Halloween", "The Evil Dead" ("Spiderman" director Sam Raimi's first feature), "Child's Play" (the first few films in this series make "Seed of Chucky" look even worse than it is), "Silence of the Lambs" (winner of five Academy Awards), "Misery' (based off Stephen King's novel), "The Thing" (starring Kurt Russell) and "Se7en."
The best horror movies you probably haven't seen: "Session 9" (as creepy as it is complicated), "The Exorcist III" (the little-known sequel that deserves more attention than it has ever received), "Apt Pupil" (based off a Stephen King short story), "The Hitcher" (the movie that helped end hitchhiking), "The Ugly" (made in England), "Ginger Snaps" (a Canadian werewolf film), "The Serpent and the Rainbow" (from famous horror director Wes Craven) and "Event Horizon."
Worth seeing if you haven't yet: "American Psycho" (amazingly, the book is even more disturbing than the movie), "They Live" (more of an action movie really), "Children of the Corn" (I always knew that little kids were up to something), "From Dusk Till Dawn" (Harvey Keitel, Quentin Tarantino, George Clooney and lots of vampires), "Cronos" (a Mexican vampire film), "Donnie Darko," "Candyman," "Joy Ride" and "Red Dragon."
The most bizarre movies you'll ever see: "Rabid Grannies" (yes, this is an actual movie - but good luck finding it somewhere), "The Last House on the Left" (just disturbing), "Battle Royale" (literally a massive battle to the death), "Luther the Geek", "Ghoulies," "Motel Hell" and "Bubba Ho-Tep" (Elvis Presley in a retirement home fighting a mummy).
Well, that should be enough for quite a few Halloweens. Some are good, some are bad and some are ugly, but hey - that's what Halloween is all about.
