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Classes that should exist

Sam Pandolfo | Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The leaves are gone and football season is drawing to a close. Old Man Winter is having one last drink before he gets started ruining our social lives and registration is upon us.

Some of us have already chosen our fate for the next four months, and others are just getting into the page-turning glory of “The Hours.” I know we’ve all chosen really captivating courses, but if I could make my dream schedule it would look a little something like this:

Life Skills 10100: Spelling

This class may seem like a joke elective. In all honesty, nothing could be more important in life than a strong spelling ability. This class would be an extensive study of no fewer than 20 words a week. Lecture would cover phonics, and tutorials would consist of a group quiz. Words of particular emphasis would be animals, colors, cities, and in the later parts of the course, foods.

Home Economics 20901: Laundry and Ironing

Personally, I would relish in having a keen understanding of the mysteries of hot and cold water washing. I would think that this class should also cover the uses and differences between powder and liquid detergent, fabric softeners and heat settings for the dryer. In the second half of this course, we would learn about the intricacies of starch and how to iron delicate items such as ties and polyester. Naturally, this course would be a pre-requisite for Home Economics 30901: Advanced Stain Removal.

Physical Education 36100: Massage

Even though there would be a lab fee of $35 for this class, it’s well worth it. Students would learn the basic techniques of sport massage, oriental massage, deep tissue massage and hot oil massage. There would be a mandatory three-to-one girl-to-guy ratio. The final is a two-hour massage.

Social Studies 40820: Friendship and Dating (Taught at Saint Mary’s College)

This would be considered an experiential learning class. Students would have a different partner to take out every week. The school would pay for dates, of course. The goal here would be to develop an enriched understanding of the opposite sex in real world situations.

Naturally, some of the pairings would result in friendship.