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Please note the headshot

Adam Fairholm | Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Hello there. As you turned to the inside page of the The Observer, I bet you couldn’t help but notice that I have a picture that goes along with my article. It’s okay to be impressed. As you read this article, I would suggest you constantly reference my picture with the corner of your eye to drive home the points I am making.

It’s hard to get a picture to go along with your article. Joey Falco, Scott Wagner and Pat Leonard all have pictures with their articles. Their pictures are notably the best I’ve seen by the way. So Joey, Scott, or Pat, if you are reading this, yours are notably the best I’ve seen.

But anyways, you’ve got to go down to The Observer office and they have to take a picture of you.

You’ve got to have a blank expression that says, “I mean business” and is not inappropriate for re-use. Example: your picture has to work with not only articles like “You Killed My Grandma” or “I Love My Grandma,” but also articles like “Your Grandma Killed Me” or “I’ve Got AIDS.”

Which brings me to my next point.

Whatever happened to that guy who had a unicycle on campus? Did he graduate or something? He probably graduated.

When you have a picture with your article, there is an aura around your article. A lot of the articles in The Observer don’t have pictures, and therefore many don’t have auras. Example: If you’ve got some article in Scene reviewing “Grand Burglary Larceny Rape Booger Challenge Assault 4” for PS2 or PSP or you know, whatever, then I am going to take you a lot more seriously if I can see how serious you are in your picture.

Even if I don’t play video games I am going to sit there and consider your opinion and look at your picture. I will say to your picture, “I have listened to what you have to say about ‘Grand Burglary Larceny Rape Booger Challenge Assault 4’ and I will consider purchasing this item because I see you are serious about this.”

Or if you are doing a news story, I can see you are serious about the news. News reporters, I am giving you some advice. The advice is don’t smile in your picture, because I want someone serious giving me the news. That way I could stop you in the hallway and say, “Thanks for being serious about that.” Or not. You know, whatever.

Many great men in history have had pictures that go along with their articles – or would have, had they gone to Notre Dame and worked for The Observer. I think I’m out of space. That’s one of the downsides of having a picture to go along with your article. You run out of spa