McDaniels goes too far
Letter to the Editor | Tuesday, April 10, 2007
This letter may arrive too late to be relevant, and may do nothing but prolong the beating of a dead and rotting horse of a topic. But the fact remains that I have not had much of a problem with the content of “Kaleidoscope McDaniels” until the appearance last week of a strip dealing with heightened admission standards. Now, as a gremlin with a 3.66 GPA who rowed crew in high school, as one of the hundreds of Katherines on campus (though thankfully one who has never gone by Katie), as a product of the University standard-raising of 2005/2006, I would like to encourage Liam Moran to go ahead and heighten his personal standards of female acceptance.
First, I would like to apologize to Moran that myself and my fellow gremlins, those of Notre Dame and Saint Mary’s alike, do not always spend the time and energy necessary to make ourselves attractive enough for his liking. I know that I go on chocolate binges during difficult papers and sometimes fail to exercise them off the next morning, that I’m too busy to straighten my hair every day, that I do try to look decent for class but don’t always put forth enough effort. I acknowledge that habits such as mine are not uncommon, and so, in short, I apologize that many women here are too human to please Moran.
But despite this tragic shortcoming of ours, I advise Moran not to give up hope, to hold on to his own high standards and seek his ultimate partner elsewhere. There must be plenty of girls in the world who would suit him, girls who have not allowed thoughts to enter their heads and spoil their “great assets,” girls who devote their lives and minds and hearts and souls to the cultivation of their own sexiness.
One day, it will be possible for male students like Moran to leave this school – this wretchedly ugly institution whose female students actually think and feel and live – and find wives who are so occupied with their own appearances that they haven’t the first idea how to boil an egg or hold a baby, let alone find an integral or write a thesis statement.
I hope that Moran is strong enough to hold out for such an ideal “woman” and that, until he finds one, he fortifies himself by fantasizing in front of late-night MTV. I hope that in the course of their subsequent marriage, she talks entirely in chatspeak, never opens a book, makes a complete mess of his household and spends all of his income on shoes. I hope that he ultimately initiates a revolution at Notre Dame, in which boys like himself follow his example, clinging to their similarly high personal standards despite the University’s oppressive attempts to “forcibly lower them” by “raising” its own. And I hope that I’ll personally feel the effects of this revolution. I hope that as its supporters are snapped up by the second-rate Paris Hiltons of the world, I will be forced to take my pony tail, jeans and big words elsewhere.
Ultimately I hope, if only for the sake of all our offspring, that women like me are abandoned by Moran and his followers and left with men of “lowered standards.” God grant that we all find who we deserve.
Pasquerilla East Hall