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Read the Classifieds

Liz Harter | Tuesday, April 3, 2007

How many of you pick up The Observer to read one section? I’m not talking about the horoscopes, the question of the day, the comics, or even the inside column.

I’m talking about the very best part of The Observer (except of course for the salacious articles that we publish daily) … the Classifieds.

“The motion’s good indeed, be it so, Petruchio ~ Hortensio.”

Anyone who reads the Classifieds should know what I’m talking about.

To give a bit of background on the section, the person working for the sports section of the paper puts the Classifieds together each night. The Observer sells classified ads for 5 cents a character per day. The exciting thing about this section though is if the classified section is not filled with rooms and condos to rent, job openings, random Shakespeare quotes and/or ads for unplanned pregnancy help, the staff can promote something they want or have a little fun at the expense of their friends and their mishaps.

“Joe’s giving front hugs now … everyone get in line.”

Oftentimes people give shout-outs to their friends, effectively getting their name in the paper for the next day.

“Look! Kristi, Jessie and Jared are in the paper today!”

Other times there are cryptic messages or inside jokes that only certain people will understand.

“Dear March, I hate you – Love, KP.”

Either way, the message is generally funny in a sort of “should I really laugh at that?” kind of way.

“Florida just won…yay! Too bad my bracket was screwed up when Winthrop beat ND. I just lost $55.”

The Classified section can normally cheer you up better than if you were to find out that you are having a five star day according the horoscopes. Whether you see an inside joke that you have with your friends, a joke at the expense of someone you know, or a quotation from one of our favorite movies, the classifieds can make you smile.

“You killed my father prepare to die. – Inigo Montoya”

What are you still doing reading this? If you’ve gotten this far in my column I suggest you immediately flip to the Classified page and read the hilarity that is sure to be there, if only because my column has come to an end. I know I’m headed to read the Classifieds right now.

…God I hope there’s something good in there today, or else I’ll look like a complete dork.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Since I’m not at work to put this in the Classifieds. … Happy Birthday Kathy!