This Sunday, stop by your local Taco Bell and grab some free nachos between the hours of 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. Why, you ask, is the benevolent Bell offering free, delicious nachos?
Because it's Nacho Day.
"We like to call it Na-Cho day - as in 'not your day,'" Taco Bell spokesman Will Bortz said. "The chips are down, and we want everyone to know we have your back. To the students, we're saying, 'Hey guys, you've been at the top, and while it might be a little bit rough this year, you can still have some free food."
In light of the football team's recent struggles, many have turned their backs on the Irish. We have been ridiculed in the media world, deserted by fair weather fans and laughed at by our enemies.
However, one benevolent corporation is there for us in our darkest hour, at a time of greatest need, when the only seeming solution and way out of football misfortune is a delicious helping of free nachos. That company is Taco Bell, the burrito-making business with a heart of gold.
Or perhaps guacamole.
And our message to you is this: Reinstate Taco Bell on campus.
Where did we go astray, you ask? Why would we ever let such a fine and distinguished maker of succulent Mexican food products out of the reach of our Flex Point swipe cards? In August 2004, the University decided not to renew the athletic department's yearly sponsorship agreement with Taco Bell, citing ethical concerns.
Why, you ask, should we reinstate the beloved T-Bell on campus? Because it's American, that's why.
Putting T-Bell back in LaFortune would create jobs for Americans. It would help to battle the late-night monopoly Sbarro currently enjoys and break its hegemonic stranglehold on the 2 a.m. to 5 a.m. consumer demographic. It would also foster further free trade and free enterprise, two economic principles this great nation was built upon. And most important, it would put Taco Bell products in our stomachs and smiles on our faces.
Enough is enough. In the words of last year's The Shirt - Taco Bell, this is the day and you are the team. Or at least you should be.
Taco Bell has stood by us when no one else would. It is time we stood by them.
