Brothers and sisters, we have all noticed a dramatic drop in Letters to the Editor this semester. There are many suspicions - the tameness of the comics, a lack of humorous misogynistic remarks, a remarkable increase in the writing prowess of Ohio State University students (seriously guys?) - but I am here to give a voice to the silent majority that can no longer muster the energy to write this letter - those who have been shocked into a comatose state by the miniaturization of South Dining Hall muffins.
Clearly they are the gem of the pastry aisle - when there are still dozens of glazed donuts and an entire mountain of cheese Danishes, the muffin bin always runs dry by 12:15. I know I'm not the only one who grab-and-goes six muffins and a juice box. It's the best calorie/bag ratio available.
However, the current shrinking of the muffin threatens to destroy one of God's finest creations - the sanctity of the muffin. I have one relic from ancient times - a true mammoth muffin measuring in at a towering 8.7 cm. The insult to muffindom I snagged at lunch today tips the scales at a puny 6.3 cm.
Notre Dame: we can do better. The silent majority must remain silent no longer - rise up, and protest the desecration of the beloved institution that is the South Dining Hall muffin. The issue boils down to one simple question: would you rather have more or less muffin in your muffin?
John Greil
freshman
Keough Hall
Jan. 28
