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Extended parietals = Heaven?

Letter to the Editor | Monday, April 21, 2008

Thank you, Lenny Meehan (“Extend parietals, save your soul” Apr. 18), for your insightful solution to the morally abominable issue of premarital sex on the Notre Dame campus. During the four years of college, the majority of 18 to 22-year-olds transform into mindless, sex-crazed deviants, uncontrollably succumbing to our animalistic desires. After the sun goes down, any male-female mingling within the privacy of a dorm room will inevitably escalate to debauchery and – yes – sex. Because what other purposes do relationships between young men and women serve? Of course friendships between the sexes would be impossible, given that we are biologically wired to commit mortal sin every time we find ourselves alone together in a cramped dorm room.The only logical answer to this problem is to remove the temptation to commit this dreadful act: extended parietals. With the fear of ResLife’s exacting disciplinary measures looming over our heads, we will all be forced to abandon our immoral urges and conform to lives of quiet study and meditation because it’s common knowledge that students will absolutely never have sex unless it happens in a dorm room after 10 p.m.Lenny Meehan, I am forever indebted to you for your ingenious proposal to save my immortal soul because I haven’t the capacity to do so on my own. It is not the responsibility of this Catholic university to foster an environment where each student can freely cultivate his or her own individual faith; no, the university must impose rigid constraints on the student population to ensure that all of our souls win one-way tickets to those pearly white gates.

Lauren KnauffreshmanBadin HallApr. 18