Kaitlynn Riely | Thursday, August 28, 2008
A few days ago, I embarrassed myself on the phone with a drug dealer.
Though I do not spend much time on the street per se, I consider myself to be fairly wise in the ways of the world. I’m at ease taking cabs. I frequently avail myself of public transportation. I have purchased cigarellos from a convenience store.
But there is a drug dealer, somewhere in Maryland, who thinks I am a lost cause.
Less than a day after I left my home state, I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize, with a area code that indicated the person was calling from somewhere near Washington, D.C.
I answered the phone.
“Do you want some green?” said a gruff male voice.
I asked him to repeat his question, because I couldn’t quite hear him. He repeated it.
I still was not sure what he was asking. So I told him he had the wrong number.
He assured me he had the right number.
“Do you want some green?”
His voice was still less than clear. I tried sounding it out.
“Greeeeeeeeen,” I said.
“Yeah, do you want some green?” he asked again.
I finally admitted it. I didn’t know what green was.
At this point, I think he gradually started to realize that maybe he did have the wrong number.
“Isn’t this D.J.’s friend who works at Macy’s? She said you wanted some green.”
I have no friends named D.J. I don’t nor have I ever worked at Macy’s. And again, I don’t know what green is.
So he hung up on me.
Even after the call, I was still not sure what the man had been trying to sell me. I thought “green” could be a nickname for U.S. dollars, but selling money for money seems like a fruitless telemarketing scheme.
Maybe, I thought, green is slang for marijuana. It seemed a little foolish to me for D.J’s friend, who works at Macy’s, to arrange her drug buys over the phone with a man she doesn’t know. But I Googled it. According to Marijuana Dictionary, the online source with – how appropriate – 420 slang terms for marijuana, green refers to inferior quality marijuana. Macy’s must not be paying D.J.’s friend very well.
So now I know. If he calls me again, I’ll be ready.
“Do I want some ‘green’?” I’ll say when I get the call.
“Are you talking about ‘cereal’ or ‘kali’? Some ‘Panama Gold’? You want to know if I want some ‘Aunt Mary’? The ‘white-haired lady,’ ‘the O.J.’?”
“Yeah,” he’ll say. “That’s what I’m selling.”
I think you’re looking for D.J.’s friend.