The clamp-down on football games
Letter to the Editor | Monday, September 15, 2008
Our Dearest Gus,
We wholeheartedly support your stance on the soul-endangering occurrences, which surface around the festivities of Notre Dame football. We, too, have a few suggestions to refocus our festivals towards Catholic values of chastity and fortitude. First, students should not be able to paint themselves. Painting leaves skin uncovered enticing us into lusting after the flesh. Enough with scantily clad girls! Habits for all girls attending the game! It’s not only classy but very slimming. As for the boys, only University-approved shirts should be allowed within the festival. Nobody should be allowed to go up for pushups after a score. Boys shouldn’t touch girls and girls shouldn’t touch boys until the holy vows of matrimony are recited. And guys touching guys and girls touching girls? Abominable! Before entering the stadium, every spectator should be breathalyzed; after all alcohol only makes people louder and more debaucherous, thus preventing God from hearing those who are praying in the Stadium.
As always, we wish to thank all the alumni for reading The Observer and providing feedback as how not to “get it up” but instead to lift our souls upwards to heaven.