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Non-sequiturs for finals

Laura Myers | Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I am currently sitting in the library, “working on” the second of four papers I have due this week. Thus, the chance that I will put together a cohesive 400 words for you people is equivalent to the chance that anyone will be running through Stonehenge after the Hawaii Bowl.

Tricked you – that wasn’t a prediction that we’ll lose, but a fact because no one will be on campus! Of course, we probably are going to lose. A college football team can’t win without emotion, and we don’t have any. (Bulletin board?)

Anyway, I have spent long hours in the ‘Burgh, as I fondly refer to this lovely building, and have had some meandering thoughts that I’ve decided to share with you.

uMy roommate officially got together with her boyfriend over Thanksgiving. (They are now “in a relationship” on Facebook – what’s more official than that?) That’s great for her and all, but if she had waited a month that would be one less Christmas present she has to buy.

uI hate movies in which a character says “There’s a storm coming,” and then it starts raining and something bad happens, like someone dying or someone getting attacked by Voldemort. I mean, seriously, did the writer pop out his “Symbolism 101” book and throw that in there? Did he also add some blue so it would be sad and some red to show anger?

uEvery time I fear that I’ll never get married, I head to North Dining Hall. I firmly believe that no one who makes an omelette as well as I do will stay single forever. I think that’s sexist.

uMy bottle of apple juice says it contains apple juice concentrate from eight different countries on four different continents. I guess Australian apples just aren’t good enough for Minute Maid.

uMy best friend bought her dad an iPod Nano for Christmas, and a pair of running shoes from Dick’s. I bought my dad a Notre Dame napkin holder from a craft show for $10. I think I should feel bad about that. Of course, I work at the Observer for roughly $12 a week while pursuing my Arts and Letters degree, and my friend works full time as a waitress while studying to become a chemical engineer.

uShoot, my dad’s probably going to read this.

uMy eyes are three different colors at all times. It makes me wonder what I’m going to pass on to my children. Is there a freak-of-nature gene? Is it dominant?

uApparently, bananas lose their nutritional value when refrigerated. However, they do not regain said nutrients if allowed to return to room temperature.

uWiccans ? Witchcraft ? Feminism ? The United States ? George W. Bush. Five steps! Beat that!