The winter months are well upon the students of Notre Dame. Snow falls incessantly, faces disappear under mounds of scarves and campus squirrels run rampant. Some of my peers have suggested that the squirrels are simply poor, lost students; mutated victims of punishment via mysterious experiments in the depths of the radiation building. Some more astute science majors, however, can see the root of the problem: a classic case of an ecosystem imbalance. Overrun with noisy, hormonal class-goers, the squirrels have turned to violent revolt in an attempt to reclaim their ground. Joggers are attacked, muffins are stolen and nuts are thrown in the path of innocent wanderers in these daily acts of aggression. Some more desperate members of the squirrel cause have resorted to suicide missions, hurling themselves beneath the wheels of unsuspecting bicyclists. These acts of aggression are alarming and cannot stand. As a strictly entrepreneurial strategy, I know that souvenir squirrels would sell faster than monogrammed Snuggies. I fear, however, that such an exploitation of a group of creatures would only further disrupt their communities and increase their anger.The best and only solution to our problem is to work with nature, not against it. Students: Take action now to amend the DuLac dorm room pet clause to include not only "non-carnivorous fish," but "locally displaced squirrel refugees" as well. Squirrels need homes, too.
Kirsten AdamfreshmanWelsh Family HallJan. 22
