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Fashion at ND. Or not.

Michelle Fordice | Tuesday, February 10, 2009

My dear fellow students, I am going to be honest with you. As you walk to class, I am judging you purely based on what you’re wearing. Sit down and talk for me for five minutes and I promise I’ll let it pass. But until then I am going to indulge my vapid side and silently laugh. As such, I thought I would use my time in the Inside Column to highlight some of the worst Notre Dame has to offer.

Ugg Boots. Yes girls, I’ve been told they are ever so comfortable. I don’t much care. They widen your foot to gigantic proportions, hit that odd place on your leg that will make most girls shorter and bottom heavy, and really, can’t we try a bit harder? Stand out from 50 percent of the girls on campus and wander into a shoe department during a sale. Find yourself something in leather with a bit more point to the toe. Perhaps a bit of heel? I promise they aren’t the uncomfortable monstrosities you think they are. (Yes, I know just every once in awhile it snows here. Then you are free to wear whatever you like to make it across campus without spread eagling across the ground. I have worn my beloved heels a bit too far into winter and did just that in front of DeBartolo. To those of you that witnessed it, I hope it was gloriously entertaining.)

Stuffing your pants into your boots. Sometimes it’s pouring rain or sleet, and for the sake of not having to sit through hours of class with wet pants, I understand that this is entirely practical (and I’ve done it.) And on those women with legs up to my armpits (which it is possible you could be) it can work. But if you are anything like me, it just makes you look shorter. Your legs do so much for you on a day to day basis, taking you from place to place, don’t turn them into stumps. (I’ve broken this rule on a couple of occasions, but I have repented. Follow me into the light.)

Crocs. Repeat after me: A wedge of plastic does not make a shoe. Save them for your garden. We aren’t even going to consider the ones with fur.

Sweatpants. Despite their deceiving suffix, sweatpants are not really pants. They are pants that have given up on life and are gong to live in their parent’s basement. Real pants don’t take any longer to put on, I promise.

Columbia/North Face Jackets. These wouldn’t be so bad if so many people didn’t wear them. But think about this. Go to the Columbia Sportswear of North Face Web sites and look at their promotional pictures. Are you: A. Climbing a mountain? B. Skiing? C. Walking across campus? If the answer is not A or B, please try a pea-coat, a trench coat, a walking coat, or something with a military edge. Anything.

Leggings. Buy pants. For all that is good in the world, pack it in and buy pants.