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Goal counts twice

Observer Viewpoint | Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Michael Murray, I must respectfully insist that you rewrite your offensive and fallacious Viewpoint article (“Goals worth one point,” Feb. 3).

You insist that “while a 1-1 tie to the reigning league champs [Zahm] may have felt like an ‘awe- inspiring defeat’ to an Alumni fan, it was, in fact, still at tie.”

It was not a tie; you are wrong. Here’s why. Let a = b; so a2 = b2 = ab; and it follows that a2 – b2 = a2 – ab; which leads us to say (a+b) (a-b) = a (a-b); so it becomes a + b = a; and by substitution a + a = a; which simplifies to 2a = a; so we can say 2 = 1.

It is plainly evident that Alumni’s goal counts twice. You just got slapped in the face by math. What’s that, you say? Your goal should count twice, too? No, it shouldn’t. Alumni’s goal was scored by a Paul Bunyan-esqe athletic specimen that epitomizes Plato’s essence of man; Zahm’s goal was scored by a scurrilous Lilliputian man-boy so you should be lucky it even counted once.

p.s. It is worth noting that Father George Rozum, C.S.C., can divide by zero. The last time it happened was March 10, 1940. Stick that into your Google and smoke it.

Will Clark

sophomore

Alumni Hall

Feb. 3