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Support the Stache

Jay Fitzpatrick | Friday, February 20, 2009

You may have noticed recently an influx of facial hair among some of your more outstanding classmates.

And by outstanding, I mean the wonderful men of Dillon Hall, because next weekend marks the one of a kind Stache Bash.

For those of you who don’t know, the Stache Bash serves two purposes, the first of which is to show off the diverse and plentiful types of facial hair. So for those ladies lucky enough to be invited to this dance to end all dances, I present the Moustaches of the World.

u The Walrus (goo-goo-ga-joob): Most well-known as the stache of Josef Stalin choice of former Notre Dame offensive line coach John Latina, the Walrus is most distinguishable by it’s sheer, unabashed bushiness. Providing a thick layer of fur to the upper lip, this stache demonstrates pure strength.

u The Fu Man Chu: This stache is most popular in the Far East, and is commonly seen on modern depictions of the Chinese philosopher Confucius. It takes great skill and concentration (not to mention amazing connectors) to pull off this look, as the purest state of this stache hangs a good inch off of your face.

u The Classic Handlebar: An American variation of the Fu Manchu, this stache is best worn on bikers and Hulk Hogan. Promising onlookers doom for messing with the wearer of this stache, the Handlebar announces its presence with authority at even the slightest glance.

u The Chester Alan Arthur: Named for the 21st President, the CAA combines two great facial hair traditions, the Walrus and the Mutton Chop. With seamless chin-connections between the sideburn and the upper lip, this should only be attempted by the most brazen of men.

u The Common Crustache: Likely the most common type of facial hair on campus, this is the stache of choice for those who forgot to stop shaving weeks ago or freshmen who can’t grow moustaches yet (Maybe one day, Tony). Either way it’s the thought that counts, and there’s no such thing as a bad stache.

But the second – and most important – purpose of the Stache Bash is to support the Center for the Homeless here in South Bend. The incredibly cold winter has sapped the operating budget of the Center, and in fact it is over $45,000 over budget for this year.

Each man of Dillon has a pledge sheet for their moustache, and we are asking for donations to support the Center. Dillon has already collected $900 on our own and we are asking for your help.

Donations can be either in a lump sum or a certain amount per day (like a fun run, but more fun because it is with facial hair).

And if you don’t give, in the fight against homelessness, you are on the side of homelessness.

The views expressed in the Inside Column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer. Contact Jay Fitzpatrick at jfitzpa5@nd.edu.