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25 Things About A New Scene Editor

Jess Shaffer | Monday, March 2, 2009

I would like to start out by saying that I’m just doing this because I want to be a completely unoriginal lemming. I love conformity. In fact, I don tan Ugg boots, ND sweats and a black Northface as I write. Just to remind myself that I am completely not unique. I would like to announce this on a campus-wide scale. This is the best use of the exposure I get as the rising Scene Editor and a Scene writer; because who doesn’t want to know 25 facts all about me? My Facebook friends just weren’t enough. 1.Hi I’m Jess Shaffer. My whole name is Jessica Shaffer. Shocker, I know. Unfortunately, Jess is not my alter-ego, it is merely my preferred name. 2.I’m a Scene writer. Also surprising, I’m sure you never would have guessed that by looking at the top of the page. 3.I have no qualms bragging about Scene; it’s fun, colorful, picturesque glory lights up The Observer, clearly solidifying it as the best section. Sure lots of people are interested in that thing called ND football and therefore turn to the sportier pages. And I guess some people are attracted to “real news.” But really You tube picks, movies and music are about as real as it gets (unless you are on a boat, like Andy Samberg). We’re the section everyone likes or at least checks out for pretty pictures. 4.After a lovely Spring Break in the sun, I will be spending hours upon hours in the basement of South Dining Hall. Not in Grab-n-Go, but in the journalism cave. But I will be consoled by a new, shiny nameplate and an updated byline.5.I love the smell of newspaper in the morning. Crack an Observer, Crack a smile.6.I pick up Analise Lipari’s sloppy seconds; refer the heinous breakup she had with Scene in yesterday’s paper. I get to be the new peanut butter to Scene’s jelly. That’s right, after Spring Break, I’m the new editor. I will be spending time consoling the section’s broken heart.7.I have a feeling that about now, you are questioning my sanity and leadership capability.8.At this point, hopefully you will have detected my poor sense of sarcasm. 9/ I have a mental list of bad ideas for inside columns.10. Bad idea number one is a 25 things column.11. Number 2 is a proclamation that Batman is not a superhero. Oh wait, I already did that. 12. Number 3 is an epic all about Saint Mary’s swimming, written in hexameter. 13. My list of bad ideas for inside columns gets shorter every time I have to write an inside column and am forced to use a bad idea, for lack of “good idea brainstorming.” 14. I hate lists inside lists.15. These 25 things are making me realize my insignificance and peculiarities16. I think self-narrations are obnoxious.17. One of my initiatives as Scene Editor is to allow students to submit “FML” stories for “FML Fridays.” I just came up with this today. 18. I really wish people would stop wearing white leggings. Leggings are hard enough to pull off. White is difficult as a pant. Don’t try it at home (or better yet in public) kids.19. Free stuff, interviews with cool bands and artists, and getting meals, CDs, DVDs, and tickets paid for are amazing perks to my job.20. They could be perks to your job too, if you came and worked for Scene. 21. If you want to work for Scene, you should e-mail me.22. I watch people in the dining halls like they’re on a catwalk.23. That last statement made me sound like a huge creeper. 24. If it wasn’t insanely cruel, I would start a “What Not To Wear: Notre Dame Edition,” where I’d snap pictures of people’s outfits and tear them apart, destroy their self-esteem like a 360-degree mirror, and then rebuild them as fashion clones, with safe, mediocre fashion sense. This is not copying someone by the name of Stacy or Clinton. 25.The above would entail me hiding in bushes and trees and being really mean. Neither of which I am fond of.