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Jokes of the Irish

Cornelius Rogers | Tuesday, March 17, 2009

1) How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?Ten. One to hold the lightbulb and nine to drink Guinness until the room starts spinning!2) A man walks into a bar in New York City on St. Patrick’s Day and orders a Guinness. When he receives it, he turns to the man next to him and says “You know, lad. It’s time like these that make me remember my childhood in Ireland.” The man next to him says “I grew up in Ireland me’self. Whereabouts are ye from?””Dublin.””You don’t say! I’m from Dublin as well. What street did you grow up on?””St. Mary’s street.””St. Mary’s street! I grew up on St. Mary’s street as well.”The bartender leans over to one of his other patrons and says, “It’s going to be a long night. The O’Malley brothers are drunk again.”3) What do you call an Irishman who gets drunk and passes out on your porch?Patio Furniture (Patty O’Furniture) 4) What do you call an Irishman who is so drunk he is bouncing off the walls?Rick O’Shea5) Three Irish guys walk out of a bar.6) An Irish priest is sitting in a confessional booth waiting for people to come in. Finally, a drunk man stumbles in, on the other side of the wall. The priest can clearly smell the liquor on his breath. The man is silent for a long time. The priest is wondering if he is contemplating his sins or not. Finally, the drunk man says, “Hey, do you have any toilet paper on your side?”7) An Irish man came home to his wife one day. His wife noticed that the man was much happier than usual. “Honey,” she said, “Is there something you want to tell me?” “Yes,” he replied, “I found a leprechaun’s pot of gold. You have to see it. I put it in the garage.” When the wife saw what was in the garage, she told her husband, “That’s pyrrhite (fool’s gold). You thought you had a leprechaun’s pot of gold, but all you really have are a bunch of sham rocks.” 8) An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were reading a newspaper article about which nationalities’ brains were for sale for transplant purposes. An Irishman’s or a Scotsman’s brain could be bought for £500 but an Englishman’s brain cost £10,000. That proves,’ said The Englishman, ‘that Englishmen are much cleverer than Irishmen or Scotsmen.’ ‘No it doesn’t,’ said The Irishman, ‘it just means that an Englishman’s brain has never been used.’