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NCAA bracket tips

Douglas Farmer | Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I first remember filling out an NCAA tournament bracket in fifth grade English class.

I haven’t stopped filling my soul with optimism since. Is there a better feeling than finishing the bracket you are sure is “the one,” that will predict 63 games correctly?

I haven’t stopped watching Bucknell or Davidson break my heart since. Is there a worse feeling than watching your Elite Eight dark horse fall in the first round, bracket busted?

With two midterms and a paper this week, I swore, no brackets this year. Then Sunday night came and I was at the LaFortune computer cluster printing out 10 copies.

So for the bracket novices out there, from Kansas or Connecticut, Canada or Colombia, here are some tips:

Alabama State will not beat Louisville; Morehead State eliminated them tonight.

Morehead State will not beat Louisville; Wake Forest will.

Notre Dame will not win the NCAA tournament; the Irish are in the NIT tournament.

A twelve-seed will beat a five-seed; it is likely that two, if not three, will.

If a team beat Notre Dame, that does not justify them as exceptionally good; 10 teams in the tournament did so.

Making picks based on mascots is not only allowed, but often effective.

VCU stands for Virginia Commonwealth University, but it really doesn’t matter, just pick UCLA, which stands for UCLA.

When forced to pick between Boston College and USC, a Notre Dame football fan picks the bullet. A Notre Dame basketball fan doesn’t care, so trust the Trojans.

This is the first year North Dakota State was even eligible for the tournament. That does not mean they won’t win a game or two while in it.

Temple’s point guard is named Christmas. Unfortunately for him, the grass is green and Christmas is nine months away.

Stephen F. Austin is a long name, so don’t waste ink advancing the Lumberjacks.

BYU is not allowed to play on Sundays, but Notre Dame football can play on Christmas Eve.

Do not pick all one-seeds to make the Final Four. Last year was a fluke, and no one will respect you.

A nine-seed over an eight-seed is not an upset. A 10-seed over a seven-seed barely qualifies.

Missouri will not make the Sweet Sixteen, but Portland State will.

No Big East teams will advance to the Final Four, but three ACC teams will.

Memphis will choke in the final, again, and Roy Williams will finally win a title with his own players.

Actually, the safest bet is probably Alabama State. The Hornet’s best player is named Chief Kickingstallionsims.