Mike Rooney | Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Dear Feminist Vigilante Group,
I have captured the wicked, wicked man known as Colin Sullivan. Thanks to your innovative signs placed around O’Shag that read Wanted: Colin Sullivan for the Crime of Sexism (thank God I read past the Wanted part because I first thought the ad was a Craig’s List posting for companionship), I was able to track him down and bring him and his evil ways to justice.
As of now he is locked in the makeshift jail cell that I created in my room, spewing obscenities about how women cannot drive, how their brains are only a third the size of ours and how they owe us a rib from the Garden of Eden Days. Fear not, for his obscenities will be swiftly crushed by the well-manicured and slightly effeminate hand of the law. It’s thanks to your ad that I’m glad there are people on this campus who take themselves so seriously, people who make sure that no such despicable joke goes unpunished. I’m thankful for people like the Feminist Vigilantes who ensure that we watch our every move and make sure that every comment we utter is socially acceptable.
Furthermore, they are the ones who force us to look deep within our souls with such questions as “Why do we laugh at the fact that some think it is worse to be a woman?” (I don’t think I’m going to get much sleep until I answer that question). Feminist Vigilantes, you have shown us just how truly wicked men are because, in all honesty, a woman would never even think about cracking a joke about the opposite sex. They are above such actions. So, as a fellow brother in arms, I salute you. Please continue your diligence in making sure that every comment in the Question of the Day is taken seriously. Sexism is not a joke â€¦ unless it’s really funny.
P.S. Do you want Colin dead or alive? How much will I be compensated for each?