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Miscellaneous Bracket

Matt Brown | Friday, November 6, 2009

In a match that pitted the lizard that destroyed Tokyo against the most terrifying hunter in the universe, Godzilla shrugged off Predator on his way to victory.

The match was so ferocious that this reporter feels that he could not do it justice. Luckily, a transcript of the play-by-play was discovered, and it has been reprinted here, with the match described by the one man who could correctly relate the glory of the battle — Harry Carey.

Harry: Hello and welcome to today’s match. Today we are in for one heck of a ride. We have Godzilla, king of the reptiles, versus none other than the one, the only Predator. With me in the booth is Bob Costas and personally I can’t wait to see these guys in action today. Can you Bob?

Bob: Well Harry I certainly can’t. It’s going to be a clear-cut case of brains versus brawn in a close match that I think could go either way.

Harry: I hate to interrupt you Bob, but Godzilla has entered the arena and my, what a sight he is! Standing 10 stories tall and weighing in at 55,000 tons, he makes an imposing figure standing tall in the center of the field. And here is Predator, no doubt a fierce competitor who does not know the word “quit.” This dreadlocked beast is dangerous enough to strike fear in even the Governator himself. The Predator has begun to circle the field sizing up his enemy, looking for any weaknesses to be found.

Bob: This is true to form. Predator has not been seen to make an error in judgment throughout this tournament. Statistically, he is one of the safest players out there, rarely taking anything beyond a carefully calculated risk. This controlled offense makes him a huge threat.

Harry: I don’t know if preparation will be enough to take down Godzilla in this match. Looking at this beast, it’s hard to believe that anything less than a strategic air attack could take him down.

Oh wait, the Predator is closing in! Charging across the field with reckless abandon, firing energy bolts as he goes, he has found his way under the gargantuan lizard! The Predator has pulled out his blades and it appears he is swiping at Godzilla’s Achilles tendon, a daring strategy that might just pay off. I gotta admire the guts in that guy, it takes some sort of steel to run directly at that behemoth.

Oh wait Godzilla has raised his foot! It appears the Predator has been crushed! No! He’s up again, just shaken from the fall. He’s climbing on top of the foot, he’s scaling the side, making his way to the head using his knives as climbing picks — what has gotten into this guy?! He’s out of his mind. With an earth-shattering roar Godzilla shakes himself and the Predator has lost his grip! He’s flying through the air and oh my, still shooting at Godzilla as he falls! Gotta love that in a player. Tracking the diminutive hunter through the air, Godzilla lets loose a laser bolt from his mouth and wait … wait… I don’t see the Predator. Could it be? YES!!!! GODZILLA HAS DONE IT!!!