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My chemical romance

Laura Myeres | Wednesday, November 4, 2009

There are a lot of things that keep Notre Dame students going all day. Some are specific to us. For example, we like Jesus more than a lot of schools do, and He likes us better too. We also like Michael Floyd more than every school does, and his impending return has us all rejoicing.

Of course, those are both long-term motivations to continue onward. In the short term, we need something less ideal and more chemical. Something students (and workers) across the country use on a daily basis. Something we can actually ingest into our bodies that makes us perk up, open our eyes and smile at our professor as he walks through the door.

We need caffeine. Imagine the word need with about seven more e’s. That’s how much we need caffeine. Lots of it. All day long.

That is why I was flabbergasted yesterday when I walked into the Huddle for a cup of tea and a bagel only to find that of the 20 or so flavors of tea, two of them had caffeine.



One was English breakfast, and the other was the regular Lipton tea that you can get in the dining hall. No green, no chai. No weird Indian flavor that actually tastes good, or weird lime flavor that tastes disgusting.

There were, however, three different types of chamomile. Just what I need in the morning.

This was an aberration. It’s like if Reckers didn’t have cheese pizza, just sauce and olives. Or if Waddicks stopped serving breakfast sandwiches and instead gave you a melted slice of cheese wrapped in paper.

The point of tea is caffeine. It’s a stimulant for people who want to feel fancy, for those who can’t handle black coffee or for those who just like the taste of tea. I’m mostly in the third group, although I don’t mind being fancy.

Huddle, give us our caffeine back. You have swung and missed in the past — “organic” carrot chips that are basically pure sugar, Pop Tarts that are not brown sugar cinnamon, not selling Wheat Chex.

But this is like you swung, missed, accidentally let go of the bat, fell down and had the bat land on your head. Or to switch the sports metaphor, it’s like you went for the tackle but instead grabbed onto a jersey, braced yourself and pulled but ended up getting dragged for many yards. Either way, you screwed up and if it were up to me you would lose your scholarship.

Besides, all of the racks were full and it was 9:30 a.m. by that point. Which means no one wanted your silly caffeine-free product.

What if Michael Floyd had come into the Huddle looking for caffeine and you turned him away at your door? Please, Huddle, imagine Michael Floyd in each of us and give us back that wonderful chemical.