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Scene Says

Matt Brown | Friday, November 20, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of all ages get pumped! You may not know it yet but your entire lives have been nothing but a precursor to this one moment. The most awesome of awesome things in your lives pale in awesomeness when compared to the next sentence you will read. The Scene section will now be offering advice to any and all who desire a wise word, intelligent interjection, adept advice or sage syllogisms on any aspect of Notre Dame life. You can’t let that guy friend know that you like him? Got it covered. Tired of getting friend-zoned by girls left and right? We feel you and we got the remedy, it is the experience, the dangerous liaison. Even if all you want to know is the best place to get a delicious sandwich, we handle the toughest questions. (P.S. — the answer is a Dagwood sandwich from Martin’s side door deli). Simply e-mail your questions to jshaffe1@nd.edu and we will take care of the rest. For your viewing pleasure here’s how a sample question might go :

Dear Scene,
Long time reader, first time writer, but anyway this kid down the hall from me is a real prankster. Every day I leave my room expecting to see the hallway covered with cups of water, a wall of duct tape, or just to be trapped in my room. I want to join in, it seems like so much fun, but I can’t come up with any good ideas … can you help me Scene?

Dear Reader,
Aha! You have come across one of the great joys of college life, the prank war. Kept light and fun, shenanigan-ish if you will, these can be the golden years of your time here at Notre Dame. Don’t be intimidated by the veteran status of your jolly adversary. Look at it as an opportunity for personal growth, something to add to graduate school applications. The most important thing to remember is to make sure no lasting damage will be done. Once pranks become mean-spirited, they’re not really shenanigans at all.
For your opening salvo we recommend something that says you’re here to play, have a sense of humor but leaves room for growth as the game evolves. There is no need to make him concede defeat right out of the gate. Here are a few options:
Post-it noting: Post-it note his desk … all of it. For a personal touch, add a message on each note and if you are feeling ambitious, use the small ones.
Ye Olde Alarm clock change: Not the greatest but a decent warm-up. Best used in conjunction with other small pranks such as remove the desk light, taking the left shoe of every pair but flip flops — it’s cold out there.
Newspapering into the room: tape many layers of newspaper across the doorway until a tough barrier is formed.
As you advance in complexities you may be able to implement some of our favorites — saran wrap to the bed, duct tape futon and chairs to the ceiling, move everything out of the room and pretend like you have never seen him before, find a squirrel, bucket of ice water over the shower curtain … the possibilities are limitless. Good luck friend and happy pranking!

We will strive to provide sound advice in the most entertaining way possible and we can’t wait to help you, our readers, so send in your questions today! Because at Scene, we care.