Team Edward vs. Team Jacob
By COURTNEY ECKERLE, ALEX KILPATRICK, MARY CLAIRE O'DONNELL, ADRIANA PRATT, and JESS SHAFFER | Monday, November 23, 2009
u He can read minds. This comes in handy when he needs to save Bella from whatever predicament she clumsily gets herself into.
u Will never acquire wrinkles.
u He has excellent taste in music and has the charming ability to play the piano like a virtuoso. He has an enormous and eclectic music collection, and prefers indie rock to mainstream, but equally appreciates rock and classical music.
u Loyal boyfriend with great hair. All the time.
u Like all vampires, he’s impossibly beautiful. His facial features are perfect and angular, with high cheekbones, a strong jaw line, a straight nose and full lips. He’s 6-foot-2, with a slender yet muscular body.
u You’ll never have to diet or exercise to rival your vampire boyfriend’s hot beach body, because he can’t go out in the sunlight publicly anyway.
u No matter how hot it gets, his marbled, chilled body can always provide a cool relief. And what if it’s cold out? We’ll that’s what coats and blankets are for.
u He never sleeps, so there is always someone you can call, no matter the hour, to be emotionally and physically available.
u Immortal soul mate, what really is there to argue about?
u Irrational and temperamental, and he’s a werewolf (a little dangerous, maybe).
u He and Bella just are not meant to be (Edward imprinted on her, so it is just fate).
u Can get creepily forceful when he wants something. What’s appealing about a guy who just doesn’t understand the meaning of “no”?
u The haircuts provide a style whiplash. Not knowing if your boyfriend’s going to have a shaved head or locks longer than yours is too much unpredictability to handle.
uControlling “pack” of friends that just cannot butt out of your relationship or your boyfriend’s inner thoughts. Creepy. Let’s have some privacy please.
u Something about a 16-year-old with that much muscle is plain alarming. Can anyone say “juicing”?
u He can fix up that old motorcycle of yours so that you can indulge your inner adrenaline junkie.
u He does not sparkle (thank goodness).
u Lots of man muscle.
u He’s a bro.
u He is a werewolf, but at least he’s not the living dead.
u Can make jorts work.
u Quick to defend the people he loves.
u Jacob’s fun, and protects Bella without controlling her. Or lurking outside her window at night. Creepy.
u He’s got the “wounded puppy” look down, as opposed to Edward’s “sorrowful brooding” glare.
u Jacob and Bella won’t have demon children.
u He is just way, way hotter, and isn’t a century older than Bella.
u He literally never wears a shirt.
u He’s a vampire. No matter how much he loves you, he still wants, on some level, to suck your blood.
u He leaves. No matter his good intentions, he still left when you needed him.
u Despite taking off like that, he’s still needy and clingy.
u Constantly plays “woe is me” card. What’s the appeal in someone who’s so serious and brooding all the time? It’s boring and exhausting to watch.
u When he gets jealous of your werewolf best friend, he doesn’t just get mopey. He takes the engine of your car so you can’t go visit your werewolf best friend.
u He uses more hair product than his girlfriend.
u His family dinners consist of drinking blood.
u His body’s too cold for snuggling.
u He let Bella name their daughter “Renesmee.” Renesmee?
u Father knows best — even Charlie doesn’t like him.
u He sparkles. Who wants a man that sparkles?
u The “dazzling.” It’s kind of sickening to watch.