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You Know It’s St. Patrick’s Day at ND If…

Nicholas Anderson and Matt Brown | Wednesday, March 17, 2010

If you’re reading this, you’re at least 10 hours into St. Patrick’s Day by now. The celebration is in full swing and you’re taking time from it to read the newspaper?!? Here at Scene, we’d never abandon you on Notre Dame’s second favorite holiday — the first being the football home opener. To help you through the rest of the day and deep into the night, here’s a handy little guide on what to expect from the Feast of St. Paddy’s here at Notre Dame.  
The lovely green grass is complemented by a few extra green shirts around campus, and if you really have the luck of the Irish, maybe even a shamrock or two.
What’s the tune blaring from your neighbor’s room? The Dropkick Murphys’ traditional Irish hymn, “I’m Shipping Off to Boston”. On repeat. For hours. Beginning at 6 a.m.
Even Yankee fans pretend to like Boston. No one pretends to like Yankee fans.
St. Joe’s Lake and its year-round sickly green hue becomes not only tolerable, but festive. Still, don’t swim in it. Trust us.
Did you know there are no snakes in Ireland? St. Paddy drove them out. Did you know there are no snakes on this motherflippin’ plane? Samuel J. drove them out.
It doesn’t matter who you are or where you’re from, you’re 50 percent Irish, at a minimum.
Finny’s is packed on a weekday.
You begin the night by skipping the college-approved Keystone in favor of a Guinness. Twenty minutes later, you’re right back with your old friend Natty.
Your noon appetizer? Candy from a pot distributed by an overly excited stranger on the steps of the dining hall.
What’s that interrupting your afternoon nap? Bagpipes. It’s almost like football season.
Potatoes and cabbage boiled until they’re devoid of both color and flavor? It helped my ancestors get through the famine so sign me up.
Digger Phelps showcases a vibrant green tie and highlighter combo on Sportscenter.
That water bottle in front of you probably isn’t water.
Pinching becomes socially acceptable for the non-grandmothers among us.
You and half of your 100-person lecture at 5:30 p.m. share a “I immediately regret this decision” look. First and foremost among them, your professor.
The proper response to “Top o’ the morning to ya” is “And the rest of the day to you!” No matter how much you consume today, remember this.
You wake up; the sun seems sunnier, colors more colorful, smells are smellier and the people are people-ier.
The dining halls serve the traditional “Lucky Charms and skim milk in a plastic bowl.”
Green eye shadow seems like a good idea.
Deep in your heart you know that students are every other college are green with envy.
You wonder how the trinity would work if Patrick and gotten lucky and picked a four leaf clover.
Even the trees are dressed accordingly.
You one goal for the day is finding a pot of gold. And that’s before you start drinking.
“Kiss me, I’m Irish” is used by every guy on every girl with a surprising success rate.
Being Catholic is a reason to drink.
Protestants believe in Saints for one day.
So laddyes and lasses go out there into the wild green world and celebrate! This is our holiday. Be safe, be fun and remember: Today, everyone is Irish.

Here’s to the wine we love to drink, and the food we like to eat.
Here’s to our wives and sweethearts, let’s pray they never meet.
Here’s champagne for our real friends, and real pain for our sham friends.
And when this life is over, may all of us find peace.