Attention: This is for the dogs that feel the need to shower in the bathrooms of all the male dorms across campus. I have a bone to pick with you.
First of all, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for showering. I mean it. Because I've seen some of y'all walking around campus and honestly, you had me kinda worried. "But Buchi, how can you tell that they are showering?" Great question! That brings me to my second point.
I can tell because you guys leave your hair in the shower as if you were marking your territory! If at the end of your magnificent shower sesh, you look down and can't tell where your leg hair ends and the shower floor begins, then Houston, we have a problem. Same goes for the toilets! If after you "Release the Kraken!" you look at the toilet seat and its rockin' a new fur coat, then we have a problem!
Look, I'm not mad at you because you're hairy. Hugh Jackman's my fav. But please, please clean up after yourself. I'm tired of playing twister every time I try to take a shower. "Left foot, white tile! Hurry, before that hairball commandeers it!" *5 seconds later* "Damn, Damn, DAMN! It sunk my battleship!" Different game but you get the idea. Clean it up, Notre Dame. Sheesh.
Sincerely yours for the next 240 days,
Buchi O.
P.S. The phrase "Release the Kraken" used in reference to taking a No. 2 is trademarked for exclusive use by members of TriPod, Inc. only. I'm serious. Look it up. If you use it, we will find you.
Buchi Offodile
senior
Dillon Hall
Sept. 21
