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Pure intimidation

Will Streit | Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I’m very disappointed after reading all the negative responses to Matthew Keenan’s obviously well thought out and intimidating idea. Matthew’s is quite possibly the best idea I’ve ever heard, except in the fact that he didn’t go far enough with it.

If the intimidating sound of “Africa” doesn’t work, we should begin to accompany it with pan flutes, just like Toto does in the actual song. I can think of nothing more menacing than the sound of pan flutes, which is why I’ve always been shocked that so many baseball teams use AC/DC and metal as intro music for relievers instead of Toto.

Also, to really scare the opponents, we should sing “Kumbayah,” “It’s Raining Men,” “Barbie Girl,” and “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” on first, second, third and fourth downs, respectively, whenever the other team enters our red zone. I’m fully confident that this would make it impossible for any quarterback to call any audibles. The offensive line would be false starting all over the place, and before we knew it, Gary Gray or Harrison Smith would be running a pick-6 towards the other end zone. In fact, I bet that our offense would never even touch the field. We would have an endless cycle of kickoff, sing, turnover, repeat.

Matthew Keenan, you referenced Rocket Ismail in your letter, but I think that his motivational tactics are inferior to yours. In fact, I propose that you start leading singalongs at all pep rallies and in the locker room prior to all games. National Championship here we come.

 

Will Streit

sophomore

Alumni Hall

Sept. 14