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S@#! Sam Stryker says

Sam Stryker | Sunday, January 29, 2012

Unless you’ve been living under a rock lately, you have not been able to avoid the internet meme sensation “S@#! (so and so) says.”

First it was “S@#! girls say,” and next thing you know, the floodgates opened — “S@#! gay guys say,” “S@#! white girls say,” “S@#! New Yorkers say,” “S@#! no one says,” “S@#! curly haired people say,” — you name the s@#!, someone was saying it.

I think the popularity of the “s@#!” meme is how “niche” we consider ourselves within society.

We define ourselves by what makes us different — gender, race, sexuality, where we live, even hair color. What is truly scary is how accurate some of these stereotypes are. Like it or not, humans are creatures of habit, and these habits are easy to recognize (and mock).

Therefore, I think it is about time to create a list of “S@#! Sam Stryker Says.” I consider myself a one-of-a-kind gift to the world, and I refuse to let any stereotypes define me. Therefore, after some deep consideration, I have come up with a list of my own unique sayings. If you ever find yourself saying, muttering or screaming one of these, ask yourself, am I Sam Stryker?

“It’s a thing.” I am prone to saying ridiculous things or committing ridiculous acts. My safest method of recovery is by saying “it’s a thing,” as in, whatever just happened is socially acceptable, despite what you may believe. Examples of usage include eating cottage cheese with cereal in the dining hall, wearing shorts in October and justifying otherwise socially unacceptable behavior.

“Oh my god, it’s my song!” Some people have favorite songs. Then there is me, who last semester listened to “Moves Like Jagger” on a loop when I was studying for finals. When my song comes on at the gym, a club or a store, I issue this warning that everyone better clear out of my way, because I am about to lose it. You may think you are about to break it down, but you missed the memo — the world is my dance floor.

Death stare. This isn’t anything I say, but sometimes, actions speak louder than words. Some people look pissed off or mad at the world sometimes, but I consider myself a modern Medusa. Steer clear, ladies and gentleman, otherwise risk incurring my wrath. Common usages are when people take too long in front of me in the dining hall, if you get in my way when I’m on my bike or if your outfit is hideous.

“Also …” This, admittedly, was not my creation, and my closest friends are known to say it as well. But when conversation moves at a mile a minute, you need a safe word to indicate what you were just saying was not interesting, and the rest of the group is ready to move on. This is where “also” comes in. It’s the quickest way to politely steer the conversation in another direction.

So there you have it, the Sam Stryker-isms of the world. There are certainly more, but I ran out of space. Also …