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Keep Calm and Style On

Jessie Christian | Sunday, October 28, 2012

 

It has come to my attention that there is a disease that is spreading through pop culture like wildfire. The disease has plagued many well-known Hollywood starlets, and is slowly but surely starting to grow out of control. I say, with a heavy heart, that it has even begun to infect the minds of everyday individuals that once had hopes of living a normal life. Those hopes will forever be tainted by the disease, which will leave a permanent mark on their image. Join me, as we acknowledge and pray for those who have fallen gravely ill with a case of “Mane Madness.”

MILEY MALFOY
Symptoms: Scissor-happy | Addiction to bleach | Showing resemblance to one or more characters from Harry Potter
Current Condition: Critical

Let’s face it. The moment that Miley Cyrus put on that blonde wig to star in Disney’s hit show “Hannah Montana,” she was doomed to contract the “Madness.” What were once delicately laid, long brown tresses on the innocent adolescent girl, gradually transformed into the Frankensteinian image that we see today. Keep her in your hearts and souls, for we can only hope that the disease will pass and we will have our normal Miley back. 

However, there are some fundamental traits that make this bold chop a bad choice for Miley, but could make it a good or bad choice for you. First of all, be conscious of your facial structure and skin complexion. This look is strikingly ghostly because of the similarity between Miley’s pale skin and the platinum blonde shade she chose to use. Try to stay away from hair colors that are too similar to your own skin tone, a combo that is generally referred to as the “washed-out” look, and is rarely executed successfully. 

In addition to color, take the shape of your face into account when picking out a new cut. Miley’s face is round and full – two characteristics that often don’t work with short avant-garde cuts like this one. Narrower faces often work best with short cuts, while voluminous hair and bob cuts often frame rounder faces well. Still, every face is different, and so the best thing to do is to go to a professional stylist with an idea and/or picture references in mind for additional help.
RASTA RIRI
Symptoms: Dye-addict | Hit or Miss hair 
Current Condition: Stable

Rihanna has had a vast array of different hairstyles, so many in fact, that she has been honored with the title of the “fashion chameleon.” Most of the time she lives up to the title, sporting trends from the latest designer collections while being conveniently spotted by photographers wherever she may go. The world has become her runway, and people love to watch the fashion show. What most people don’t know, however, is that Riri has had an on-and-off struggle with “Mane Madness.” Currently she has subdued the illness, and we pray that this time it has been defeated for good. 

If you want to be a style chameleon, the best way to try new styles without spiraling out of control is to focus in on what won’t look good on you, and then make sure you factor these things into the decision-making process every time. Rihanna, for example, is known to have a larger forehead and smaller facial features. Because of this, the styles that work best on her are those that conceal this area such as blunt cut or swooping side bangs. Since the days of her first album release, she has moved away from tight off of the forehead ponytails, and hair that has been slicked back. She still has her fair share of styling issues, but this is one that occurs less often. Find your stylistic don’ts and steer clear. 
WEEPING WILLOW
Symptoms: Scissor-happy | Dye-addict | Odd obsession with futuristic space life 
Current Condition: Critical 

Willow Smith is the youngest of our unfortunate bunch to have contracted this trying disease. Since the release off her surprisingly successful single “Whip My Hair” in 2010, the child of superstars Will and Jada Pinkett Smith has dealt with an undying strain of “Mane Madness.” Take preventative measures and don’t let this happen to the children in your lives. Hide the scissors, hide the dye, hide the mirror because “Mane Madness” is getting everyone out here – even children like Willow. She may not be able to relive her childhood, but we can only wish her the best on her future endeavors. No pun intended. 

Willow has proven that some things just aren’t a good idea for anyone. Yellow hair? Not a good idea. Cotton-candy afro? Not a good idea. Skunk-inspired dye jobs? Not a good idea. Cornrowed hearts? Not a good idea. Preteen bowl cuts? Not a good ides. Stay away from these things unless you’re channeling your inner Willow, Nikki Minaj, or Dennis Rodman for Halloween, and frankly I would advise against even attempting that. Some may give her a pass because she’s young. I, on the other hand, find most of these styles to be a no-no at any age. 

These celebs have indeed proven that “Mane Madness” is out and in full effect. Stick with these preventative measures, however, and you’ll be spared from enduring the same grueling fate. Keep it classy up top and have fun!

Contact Jessie Christian at jchrist7@nd

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The Observer is a Student-run, daily print & online newspaper serving Notre Dame & Saint Mary's. Learn more about us.

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Keep Calm and Style On

Jessie Christian | Sunday, October 7, 2012

 

Fall break is right around the corner, and for many of us this means gearing up to head home. Between home and the Dome, we encounter the inevitably tiring and unpleasant airport struggles. They leave us considering the advantages of taking the next homeward trek by foot. 

After suffering through the classic luggage-repacking-meets-behind-schedule-dash, you end up questioning whether you bought a plane ticket or an all-day obstacle course pass. The thought of dressing wisely is tossed into a dusty corner in the back of your mind, along with all the school material that you crammed into your brain a few days before. 

As your personal Notre Dame fashion advisor, I’m telling you to reach into that corner and reclaim your fashion logic. Looking good and maintaining your sanity while you’re traveling is indeed possible, even with all the chaos that develops along the way. Steer clear of these airport fashion don’ts, and you’ll be well on your way to creating looks that fit your fashion wants and travel needs. 

What to avoid: 

Accessories – Jewelry and belts are so cute and on most occasions, I would say go for it, but not today. When traveling through security, just about anything can set a metal detector off resulting in a potential additional screening for you and delays for everyone else in line. Now don’t get me wrong, some accessories pass through the machine with no problem. If you know that certain pieces you have are safe, then wear away! However, if you’re unsure, then for the sake of time and convenience, I would advise that you pack them and wait until you get to your destination. If you really want to wear them, try packing them somewhere that’s easy to access and then putting them on on the other side of the security checkpoint. 

Shoes that are hard to remove — Let’s be honest: If you’re choosing between two security lines, one with a family of five children and another with a group of businessmen, then choosing line number two is a no-brainer. Why is that? Well, because businessmen appear simple and efficient, and children fall on the ground and throw endless hissy fits. We all want to move through security as quickly as possible and with the least amount of trouble. Although this seems obvious, what oftentimes is not is the concept of wearing simple shoes. You may have 90 percent of the security equation down (laptop out, jacket off and all), but the minute you bend down to unlace that pair of Doc Marten high tops, you’re going to realize that you’ve just tacked five to 10 minutes on to your routine. This struggle will result in rushing, and you’ll come out on the other side with a broken nail and your sweatshirt on backwards. Yikes! Try shoes that are easy to slide on and off like flats, zip or slide-on boots, or loose sneakers.  

Shoes that are worn without socks – Yes, I did state that keeping it simple is the way to go. However, be forewarned that when you get to the security checkpoint, taking off your shoes is mandatory. In other words, walking on the floor with no shoes on is mandatory. Walking on the same floor that thousands of different people walk on everyday, shoes or not, is mandatory. Choosing a shoe that you don’t wear socks with will leave you in germ-paradise and susceptible to all kinds of foot problems. I haven’t looked into the horror stories, but I know they’re out there, and you don’t want to be one of them. Steer clear of sandals, and if you want to wear flats or low-top sneakers then try footie socks. This goes out to you boys as well! I don’t want to hear your excuses, they sell a unisex pair at Nike, and your clean feet will thank you. 

Hair Accessories – Now here’s something that you may not have considered. As of late, airport security has been cracking down on various types of hair accessories. Reports of hairpins, bands, and clips setting off the machine have been growing more and more common. I myself heard a TSA security agent tell a girl that she had to be screened separately for wearing clip-in extensions, and I was mortified for her. False hair and pinned up-do’s may be totally cute, but they’re no longer a smart choice for airport travel. Try looks that require fewer hair accessories, and headbands and hair ties with no metal connectors.

Too many hard-to-remove layers – Tank tops, t-shirts, sweaters, vests, sweatshirts and jackets galore! Boxers, spandex, shorts, sweats, tights, pants, and more! I’m warning you now that if you’re wearing more than two items from either of these lists, then your time at the airport will be nowhere near as enjoyable as it was for you to read that little jingle. Sometimes if you’re lucky, you’ll run into a lenient TSA agent who will let you through, wearing a light sweater. More likely, chances are that you’ll have to take off everything except for your shirt and any extra bottom layers. My advice would be to wear one layer, covered by a zip-up sweater, jacket or sweatshirt of some sort. Unzipping will be easy enough and you won’t find yourself lugging 10 pounds of clothing to the nearest bench when you emerge on the other end.  

Contact Jessie Christian at
jchrist7@nd.edu.