Breaking Spring Break
William Neal | Thursday, March 7, 2013
By WILLIAM NEAL
I don’t know about you, but I have been waiting years for a quality spring-break movie adventure. I’ve also been waiting for a select few Disney Channel stars to finally take on a role to prove themselves as legitimate actors. But more importantly, I’ve been waiting for James Franco to take on an acting gig that would turn him into a wannabe, low-life gangster/rapper (silver grill and cornrows included, of course). After witnessing the international red-band trailer for “Spring Breakers,” I immediately realized my prayers were answered. So what is “Spring Breakers” and why should you care? To put it simply, it will clearly be the greatest spring-break-themed movie of all time (a tough competition).
From the start of the trailer, we find four quality-named girls, Candy (Vanessa Hudgens), Faith (Selena Gomez), Cotty (Rachel Korine) and Brit (Ashley Benson), who are tired of their “boring” college lives and want nothing more than the ultimate spring-break adventure. That’s a storyline we can all relate to, right? Well, sadly, these girls don’t have the money to go down to Florida, so they resort to the only logical next step: They commit a series of convenience store robberies to pay for their trip. The plan goes off without a hitch, of course, and now the girls are ready for the time of their lives down in Miami. Here, the four girls spend the remainder of the trailer (and probably the film) in their neon bikinis and proceed to party like there’s no tomorrow. We soon meet a rapper named Alien (James Franco) who announces to the massive crowds of drunken teens how “spring break can change you” and, my personal favorite line of his, “bikinis and big booties, y’all, that’s what life is all about,” a truly inspiring moral for the film from Mr. Alien. After this wild montage of smoking, swimming and jumping in slow motion to dubstep, the girls get themselves into trouble as we cut to the four girls arrested and then in front of a judge (still in bikinis).
Well, that’s it for their spring-break adventure, right? Wrong. For some reason, Alien has taken a liking to these girls and bails them out of jail. You would think a creepy guy, who the girls have never been introduced to, with terrible cornrows, a Hawaiian shirt and a gun would scare them off. But James Franco comforts them by saying, “Come on, y’all, don’t be ‘spicious.” Clearly the girls thought, “Well, I’m sold on this guy!” after that well-structured statement because they proceed to join his crew and take their spring-break adventure to the next level. James Franco clearly makes an impact on the girls when he says “I knew y’all was special from the first time I seen you. Now let’s make some trouble now,” because the second half of the trailer focuses on all five of them getting involved with drugs, theft, guns and more slow-motion dancing to dubstep (Also, someone keeps whispering “spring break” repeatedly through the trailer).
I couldn’t tell what was happening towards the end, but clearly, these girls turn into legitimate criminals who enjoy frequenting black-light clubs and traveling by speedboat. Sounds like the typical lineup of traditional spring-break activities. So let’s run through the many amazing aspects of this upcoming film: We have former Disney Channel stars shooting guns in bikinis, James Franco in the role he was born to play and, most importantly, it’s scored by Skrillex. What more could a sane person ask for? “Spring Breakers” opens everywhere March 2d. Spring break forever, y’all.
Contact William Neal at firstname.lastname@example.org