Britney Gets the People Going
John Darr, Daniel Barabasi | Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Editors note: In the wake of Britney Spears’ new single and Kanye West’s recent outbursts (not to mention all of Miley’s antics), the Scene Staff simply couldn’t find a way to deal with the pop-culture chaos. While the rest of the staff sat paralyzed, anxiously awaiting the premiere of Britney’s new music video and still processing Kanye’s “Yeezus” publicity tour sound bites, two brave Scene writers rolled the superstars into one big, brave (and, it must be noted, satirical and fictional) column.
During an attack on a snoopy paparazzo last weekend, Kanye West reportedly yelled that “‘Work B**ch’ has done more for America than you or your family will dream of doing.” Today, we brought him into the studio to explain why he thinks “Work B**ch,” Britney Spears’ new single, is the song the nation needs right now.
“Well, it’s more than a song,” he told us. “It’s a statement of a generation tired of unemployment, tired of obesity, tired of bad music. Britney’s struggled with all of that, really, and here she’s trying to help the people out. Like my mother once said, you can’t get enough plastic surgery if you believe in a better you.”
We asked him what he thought about the new Britney vs. the old Britney and what direction she’s moving in artistically with her latest release.
“It’s obvious that what almost killed her has made her stronger,” Kanye said. “I mean, take what ‘Work B**ch’ has to offer musically. Will.i.am. in the studio. Anthony Preston in the studio. Sebastian Ingrosso and Otto Knows. These guys came together and tore down dance music and built it up again – there’s bass on every beat. We’re talking one, maybe two chords here. Synthesizers. It’s insanity.
“And the lyrics. I can’t have written this. It’s too great, too relevant. It’s the statement of our generation. Like the messages. If you want something, you have to work for it. Mind-blowing. And get this – obscure references even I didn’t know. Like, what is a Bugatti? What is a France? Thank god for Urban Dictionary. Apparently, it’s in Paris. It’s what you know.”
But what about the violent language? The curse words? Should kids be exposed to this monster of a song?
“Sometimes you have to force these things even if America isn’t ready. Look at ‘Breaking Bad,’ bringing excessive violence and language into family rooms and dentists’ offices nationwide. And ‘Game of Thrones,’ excessive nudity. America needs this, man. Nobody likes watching these shows, and no reasonable person would accept them as ‘appropriate’ or ‘constructive,’ but it’s our duty, man. We have to be soldiers of knowledge, and it’s The Crusades.
“That’s what Britney is saying. You’re fat? You’re probably a b**ch. Don’t have a Maserati? B**ch. Don’t live in France? Imma not go there, even. That’s embarrassing. Like, you should work like I have and build an empire from the earth, and until then, you just have to watch me sit on my throne.”
Kanye West has asked that all complaints about statements made in the interview be mailed to Stetson Furnaces in New York, where they will be incinerated. His newest album, “Yeezus,” is available in most stores where music is sold.
Contact Daniel Barabasi at
email@example.com and John Darr at firstname.lastname@example.org
The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.