Using hidden cameras, we tracked experimental Campesino treatment of a patient with T.S. (terminal sadness) from diagnosis to full recovery. For anonymity reasons, we have changed the names of all persons involved. Neither "Hipster Jeff" nor "Doctor Mister" is an actor. (Note: This story may, in fact, be entirely fictional, but we're going to let you guess.)
"I will take you where the sun shines." - Los Campesinos, "For Flotsam"
Oct. 27, 9 a.m., St. Vincent's Hospital, Psychological Wing
Dr. Mister: Mr. Jeff, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you.
Hipster Jeff: What? What is it?
Dr. Mister: You're Sad. Terminally Sad. You lead, and will always lead, a Sad life. History of existential tendencies in the family, early exposure to emo music, English major ... it was all too much.
Hipster Jeff: I ... I guess I've been in denial. I always felt different. I thought I was just meant for the angstyTumblr lifestyle ... but I'm beginning to see that's no kind of life at all.
Dr. Mister: Well, we do have some possible experimental treatments...
Hipster Jeff: Anything, anything to make the pain go away.
Dr. Mister: Here.
Hipster Jeff: This medicine looks a lot like a CD.
Dr. Mister: "No Blues." By Los Campesinos. It's been used in underground clinics for a while now with incredible results. Side effects, you must be warned, include spontaneous dance parties of uncontrollable size and unexplained attraction to shiny and pink objects.
Hipster Jeff: Worth.
Jeff's Tumblr (mylifeisasadlookingkitten.tumblr.com)
Posted Oct. 27, 11 p.m., Hipster Jeff's Residence, Living Room
What is life? I've always been breathing, and yet now I finally feel alive. "No Blues" is the world I never knew was there to escape into ... a place of huge, indie-pop choruses, female vocals singing softly in the background, guitars that crunch joyfully at one moment and pluck softly during the next. The strings soar softly and subtly behind waves of jubilant noise. The lead vocals are rough, living, affirming hope. For the first time, I see a great light beyond this apartment, beyond these blue Tumblr walls. Life is waiting for me out there.
Oct. 28, 10:35 a.m., St. Vincent's Hospital, Psychological Wing
Dr. Mister: Mr. Jeff, how are you feeling?
Hipster Jeff: Rainbows. Double rainbows and kitten GIFs.
Dr. Mister: Could you be a bit more descriptive for the record please?
Hipster Jeff: Yes. Christmas every day with cherries on top. Black Friday candy-shop invasion led by the Kool-Aid Man. Started from the bottom, now we here.
Dr. Mister: Hipster Jeff, how many times did you administer the treatment?
Hipster Jeff: Um, 12 spins round the carousel. And ice cream afterward!
Dr. Mister (into Walkie-Talkie): I think we need some help in the psychological wing.
Hipster Jeff: Did you realize you have a CD player in this room? I hooked it up to the hospital's intercom system...
Dr. Mister: Wait ... Oh my gosh...
Hipster Jeff: NO BLUES!
Dr. Mister: This music ... is SO HAPPY!
Hipster Jeff: LET'S DANCE!
Dr. Mister: YES!
Jeff's Tumblr
Posted Oct. 27, 11 p.m., Hipster Jeff's Residence, Kitchen
I have to tell everyone about this record. It's got too much amazing songwriting, too much energy to be contained. Los Campesinos is not just some six-piece indie-rock band - they are warriors of light. Their sound is raw, but the production prevents anything from diving into the dumpster of messiness. "No Blues" is a feat of joy, energy and youth. It's something to pick you up when you're feeling down. It's a treasure trove of crazy stories and standout lyrics.
When you're rocking with Los Campesinos, there can be "No Blues."
Contact John Darr at jdarr@nd.edu
