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Note to longboarders

John Green | Sunday, November 10, 2013

The sidewalk: A place where a pedestrian can feel safe from the dangers of vehicle traffic. I often embrace my time on the sidewalk by reflecting on my life choices, namely, my fantasy football team. What person in his right mind would start Jacquizz Rodgers at running back? Oh yeah, me. Other than that, my walks are quite relaxing. However, Notre Dame’s sidewalks are not always this way. They are usually crowded with the hustle and bustle of walkers, bikers and the worst: longboarders.
I have a friend who will occasionally complain about groups of slow-paced walkers that he gets trapped behind. As I wipe away his tears, I assure him, “It is not the end of the world, Michael.” I tend not to run into this problem because of the fast pace at which I walk. Bikers do not bother me, either, but they give problems to my stubby-legged friend Michael. However, he complains about most things, so I will move on.
Now, let’s move on to the topic of longboarders, the main culprit of sidewalk danger. Don’t get me wrong – I know plenty of dudes and dudettes who could board their way to the X-Games. But there is one boarder in particular that tainted the longboarder name for all of his bros. I remember it clearly. It was a Wednesday. I was in high spirits as I headed toward South Dining Hall for lunch. Then, out of nowhere, a board slammed into the back of my ankle. Doing my best Kobe Bryant impression, I gripped my Achilles in pain. I turned back to see a chubby young man walking up to me to retrieve his board. I waited for him to speak first, but just like that, he was gone. No apology. I was shocked, to say the least.
I am trying not to let the minority of inexperienced boarders ruin my view of longboarders as a whole. As for the few rookies, like the chubby young man, either get better at riding that thing, or show some common courtesy. Thank you.