It’s mock draft season.
A visit to any major sports website between the months of February and May – and June to January as well, because every season is mock draft season these days – will likely not go by without seeing some NFL expert’s mock draft link in big bold letters on the front page.
So, naturally, what am I going to write about in the height of mock draft season? A mock draft, of course, but with a twist. Without further ado, here’s the Sports Movie Character Fantasy Mock Draft.
1. Michael Jordan, “Space Jam”
Because he’s Michael Jordan. This is a no-brainer. Besides all his earthly accomplishments – six Championships, five MVPs, pulled off the shiny shaved head look – the man took down a team of aliens. That’s more than enough to warrant the top spot here. Just don’t think I’ll shove Bugs Bunny into the gutter of history the way Scottie Pippen has been.
2. Henry Rowengartner, “Rookie of the Year”
Rowengartner is a raw prospect, but he has the most upside in the draft. With a high 90s fastball at only 12 years old, after he hits puberty Rowengartner could fill a variety of roles for the team: obviously he can pitch, he could slide in at quarterback if football is the game of choice and I’m sure he could throw a great inbounds pass in the final seconds of a game a la Grant Hill to Christian Laettner in the 1992 NCAA Final Four (if you haven’t seen it, watch it.)
3. Goldberg, “Mighty Ducks”
Goldberg has everything a general manager would ever want out of a top-five pick: versatility, intangibles and he’s a physical specimen. He’s a dominating goalkeeper but also plays defense in D3. In addition to that he’s clutch, scoring the winning goal in the same movie. He certainly fits in nicely on a hockey team, but I could also see him as a mean center or guard on the gridiron.
4. Jimmy Chitwood, “Hoosiers”
The small-town Indiana sharpshooter could come in and have an instant impact for whichever team decides to pick him up. He can clearly put a team on his back and if – and it’s a big if – the coach can make a connection with Chitwood, the high-school star will run through walls for him.
5. Ricky Bobby, “Talladega Nights”
Bobby’s natural athleticism has been questioned – he reportedly ran a 6.62 40-yard dash and had a 3-inch vertical leap, besting only Goldberg, who ate too many donuts the morning of the Fantasy Draft combine to get off the ground. Still, Bobby would come in and immediately infuse a “win at all costs” attitude to whatever locker room he would enter.
6. Paul Crewe, “The Longest Yard”
The Sports Movie quarterback draft class is incredibly weak. Honestly, name me a quarterback that deserves a first-round pick in this draft. Uncle Rico is a top-10 Sports Movie quarterback, and he’s not even in a sports movie. Let that sink in. But just like any other draft someone will reach for their franchise savior quarterback, and here the Cleveland Browns will not let Crewe get past them. He’s a proven leader who you know can work with front office to put together a juggernaut of a team. Too bad Cleveland’s front office is nonexistent. Sorry Paul.
7. Julius Campbell, “Remember the Titans”
Just like the quarterback position, a good pass rusher is always at a premium in these drafts. Luckily, Campbell fits the bill as a top prospect, unlike Crewe. He can slide into any defensive-line rotation as a strong-side defensive end – please, someone get that joke. He’s faced adversity throughout his career, but has been a unifying force on the teams he’s been a part of. He’s athletic and disruptive, and if the 30-second basketball scene in “Remember the Titans” is any indication, the kid can hoop, too. I could also see Campbell’s teammate, Gerry Bertier, getting taken here.
8. Jesus Shuttlesworth, “He Got Game”
Because it’s Ray Allen. And Ray Allen can shoot. And “He Got Game” is incredibly, incredibly underrated.
Other notable prospects that just missed the cut: Roy Hobbs (“The Natural”), Sidney Deane and Billy Hoyle (“White Men Can’t Jump), Benny “the Jet” Rodriguez (“Sandlot”)
That rounds out the top eight of the Sports Movie Mock Draft. Stay tuned for a full seven-round Mock Draft coming in the next few weeks.
Contact A.J. Godeaux at agodeaux@nd.edu
