“And we can’t stop and we won’t stop…”
Lies.
Contrary to her well-known lyrics, Miley Cyrus can and did stop. The rest of her “Bangerz” tour was postponed until August due to her hospitalization for a severe allergic reaction.
I was supposed to see Miley Cyrus in Louisville during Easter break, but my hopes and dreams of seeing her fly in on a hotdog were burnt to oblivion by a re-tweet and a few sad cat emoji.
“Can’t quit crying [sad cat emoji]. i wanna go back on tour. im meant to be on stage performing for y’all…not laying in a hospital bed [sad cat emoji],” Cyrus tweeted.
The news hit me like a wrecking a ball, and I proceeded to lose it. After some dramatics, which involved mourning the lost opportunity to wear my teddy bear backpack and cursing Miley’s recently-deceased dog for leaving her body distraught and therefore susceptible to illness, I ultimately got over my selfish disappointment — her forlorn, feline filled tweets tugging at my fragile heart-strings.
Her social media presence has been #depressing. Just this month, Miley lost her dog, inspiring #RIPFloyd and #FF (Floyd Friday) to trend. Now that she has been hospitalized for a week and may stay there for upwards of three weeks, tweets like “mizzzzzeraaabbblleeee [3 sad cat emoji]” kept rolling in even through Easter weekend..
“Happy 420/Easter! I’ll be where I’ve been the passed week. In bed. Crying…”
Tweets such as this have clogged my newsfeed and tear-ducts for the past few days. Her substitute of “passed” for “past,” though regrettable, is no cause for worries, however. A more recent tweet confirmed that she is “reading books so I don’t die a famous pop pop dumb dumb.”
But does that mean she is worried she will die in the near future? I have so many questions.
However, her plight expanded beyond the Twittersphere: even my grandma — two days after the official cancellation — warned me about Miley Cyrus’s “allergic reaction to anti bios.” (Related chain email from grandma on dangers of ”anti bios” and cell phone radiation are sure to come soon.)
Miley’s hospitalization is much more dire than my own disappointment over not being able to see her blingy “Bangerz” tour. However, that disappointment does still exist. I was looking forward to rocking shades and a mini skirt with my J’s on — prepared for the imminent moment when she would spot my short haircut and killer dance moves and pull me on stage to perform “23” with her, letting me rap Juicy J’s part.
Unfortunately, this did not twerk out, and I was home participating in forced family fun on the night of the elusive concert instead.
Miley, although you wrecked me when you postponed “Bangerz,” I want you to know I still “Adore You” “My Darlin’” and will stay “Rooting For My Baby.”
