We are writing to you amidst perhaps the darkest of all times to have dawned upon Marion Burk Knott Hall this academic year. To understand our current hardships, we must first take you all the way back to spring semester of 2014. There was once a time when the honorable men of Knott Hall had to poop in solitude, having nothing to occupy their minds but the vision of the silver metallic stall door in front of them, staring back into their souls. However, as the flowers began to bloom and the season of new beginnings hit full swing, Knott Hall experienced a new beginning of our own doing. The newly-ordained presidential office of Marion’s dorm bestowed upon us the duty – nay, the honor – of vanquishing all boredom from the bathroom stalls of Knott Hall. And thus, the finest news publication this university has ever seen was born. We called it "The Daily Dump."
Unfortunately for the average Knott Hall bathroom patron, the dark boredom of the BD (before dump) era seems to be reappearing. By now, I think we are all familiar with the new print quota system here at Notre Dame. It is at best a conspiracy plan hatched by OIT, with the intent to nickel and dime students and bury them beneath a mountain of red tape. Two weeks ago, Knott Hall’s print quota was exhausted as we fell victim to this evil scheme. Now, this should not have been too much of an issue. For those of you who cannot recall, Knott Hall has recently found itself in possession of a large sum of monies after winning several Notre Dame Day events last spring.
When we ran out of print quota, we tried to comply with OIT’s demands by purchasing more for our dorm account. However, our attempts proved unsuccessful. Several phone calls were made, and each time OIT told us that they would add to our quota. After the first few calls, we were informed that our quota had not increased because they were not allowed to receive our bank account number over the phone. That may have been a nice thing for them to tell us the first time we called. So the very next day, our valiant rector marched down to the OIT building to help bring Knott Hall out of the darkness and into the light. Now in the least surprising plot twist of this ordeal, our rector showed up during normal business hours, and nobody was there. As of right now, Knott Hall still has yet to regain its print quota, and the Juggerknotts continue to be plagued by this great paper famine and its resultant bathroom boredom.
Now as much as we hate to admit it, there are a couple of things in this world more important than "The Daily Dump." Could you imagine if this were not a dorm struggling to receive print quota, but a Notre Dame student? Two weeks is hardly an acceptable time frame when students still have assignments heavily reliant on printed materials. We can only imagine the stress and fallout that would result if a student had to deal with this type of bureaucracy when they needed to print out time-sensitive assignments. The process is broken, and the Notre Dame academic community deserves better than this. Maybe Notre Dame will make sure they are properly equipped to handle the changes before they make another significant policy change of this nature.
Long live print media.
The Daily Dump Staff
Jim Boyle
junior
Knott Hall
Jake Grabowski
sophomore
Knott Hall
Jackson Wrede
freshman
Knott Hall
Phil Healy
freshman
Knott Hall
Matt Reilly
freshman
Knott Hall
Oct. 12
