Run the Jewels is the Cat’s Meow
Jimmy Kemper | Thursday, October 9, 2014
For instance, $50,000 will get you “The Jewels Candygram Package,” which promises that El-P and Killer Mike will show up to your door “dressed in clothing made of candy to rap both albums to you personally over the beats of your choice and wish you a happy birthday (or any other occasion). We will then spend the day playing contact ultimate frisbee with your family and friends, ending at dusk where we will build a small, possibly illegal bonfire and drink until one of us urinates where we are sitting.” Other more expensive (and more awesome) packages include the offer to start a private detective agency with you, bully your enemies and teach their pets to love you, and the chance for Run The Jewels to pretend to care about whatever cause you care about. These insane packages run all the way up to a $10,000,000 package, for which Run The Jewels offers to “retire from music, making only one song a year for you personally.” Unfortunately though, Run the Jewels reserves “the right to take your money and not fulfill any of its obligations as outlined in any package priced at 35k or more,” so these might be risky investments.
One offer in particular, the $40,000 “Meow the Jewels” package, has been getting more attention than the others. The deal is a promise from El-P that he will re-record the entire “RTJ2” album using nothing but cat noises for the beats. A Kickstarter was announced shortly after the deal went online and so far has raised over $30,000 to purchase and distribute the “Meow The Jewels” album among backers. This Kickstarter has its own slew of ridiculous backer rewards, including “Meow the Jewels” catnip for those giving $50 or more to the project and the ability to submit your own cat’s noises to be part of the album. El-P initially had said he would follow through on the promise (and donate all the money to the families of Eric Garner and Mike Brown, who both died during altercations with police) should the Kickstarter actually get funded, and as of a few days ago, he has announced an amazing lineup of artists who have agreed to produce tracks for “Meow the Jewels.” Portishead’s Geoff Barrow, Just Blaze, Zola Jesus, Dan the Automator, The Alchemist, Baauer, Prince Paul, Boots, Nick Hook, Skywlkr and Solidified Sun have agreed to contribute to the record. Hopefully the Kickstarter reaches its funding goals, and we all get a chance to listen to cat-based rap.