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Because I lost a bet

| Wednesday, December 3, 2014

I would like to start off this column by saying that I am writing it against my will.

It all started a few weeks ago at the second annual Andrew Gastelum Turkey Bowl, in which the members of The Observer sports department faced off in a snowy and icy football game at McGlinn Fields. The battle lines were drawn and after a draft and a few trades, I was convinced I had the winning team, the one that would trounce the team captained by Associate Sports Editor Greg Hadley. After all, the stakes were high—the losing team’s captain would have to write an Inside Column devoted to the winning team’s captain.

Since other Observer duties beckoned me away from the game before its conclusion, I had to place my trust in the honor of the rest of the staff, who promptly informed me that I would indeed be writing the next Inside Column on the schedule.

So here is my column, dedicated to one Gregory Gerard Hadley.

An acrostic:

Great amount of sass
Really likes fruit snacks
Eats a lot of fruit snacks
Good kid, bad choice in sports teams
Orioles included
Regularly gets emails in response to his stories
Yes, those emails are rather funny

Golden-haired for much of freshman year
Emotional half of the sports editors
Really from Maryland but says he’s from D.C.
Always jinxes Notre Dame sports
Really shouldn’t cover any more championship games
Doesn’t believe this is his fault (it probably is)

Has a lot of siblings
Average writer
Doesn’t like the beautiful things in life
Like particularly funny puns
Engages in treks from South Dining Hall to Carroll Hall frequently
Yes, even when it’s snowing — that’s dedication

A haiku:

Fruit snacks and Carroll
That’s how I would describe Greg,
With food and his dorm.

A limerick:

Greg is pretty quick when he works
Not so sure if he’s as good when he twerks
No, he’s no Miley
His humor comes dryly
And his sass is one of his better quirks

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

About Mary Green

Current Assistant Managing Editor, former Sports Editor of The Observer | Follow Mary on Twitter: @maryegreen15

Contact Mary
  • David Booth

    “Really shouldn’t cover any more championship games” It’s good to see that our Sports Editor has finally noticed this distressing phenomenon. Keep him away at all costs.

  • Maria F

    Goodness keep it in your pants and off the pages of our paper…

  • Stop.

    I love when the Observer staff runs inside joke articles that literally no one but them knows. Because when Notre Dame takes the fee out of my tuition to pay for this junk, the thing I want most of all is for it to be used to publish articles I don’t understand.

    • Michael

      You take it back right now. Greg Hadley is a national treasure.

  • Michael

    I’d like to start off this comment by saying that I read the Observer against my will.

  • Chris

    Mad she lost a football game
    Apparently devoid of creativity
    Realized this, and fled to acrostics
    Yet her readers can’t escape her garbage
    Good at no one knowing who she is
    Rarely writes an interesting story
    Each of her staff writers could do her job
    Even Greg Hadley
    No, we still don’t know who that is

  • Julia

    The mental image of Greg Hadley twerking. Thank you for making/ruining my day.