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Make Canada great again

| Thursday, March 3, 2016

Let’s all move to Canada, eh? Think about it. Canada is pretty great! Ice hockey, Tim Horton’s, Toronto, maple syrup, Drake and Ryan Gosling. They’ve got a new, young, good-looking prime minister in Justin Trudeau. The Human Development Index ranks Canada ninth and among the highest in civil liberties, quality of life, economic freedom and education. They also have socialized health insurance that provides coverage to all Canadian citizens, but hey, we all have our faults.

Canadians even want us to come to Canada! They’re extending a warm, mittened hand of friendship. A Canadian radio host, Rob Calabrese, created the website cbiftrumpwins.com, which stands for “Cape Breton If Donald Trump Wins.” On the website, Calabrese writes, “Hi Americans! Donald Trump may become the president of your country. If that happens, and you decide to get the hell out of there, might I suggest moving to Cape Breton Island?” A quick search for Cape Breton Island reveals a breathtaking island in Nova Scotia, complete with rolling hills, a lush landscape and Cape Breton Highlands National Park. It sounds tempting, doesn’t it?

After Super Tuesday, Americans frantically Googled “move to Canada,” overwhelming Canada’s website for Immigration and Citizenship (CIC). With Donald Trump winning in seven out of 11 states, many Americans were clearly petrified by democracy in action. And who can blame them? The 2016 election cycle has just been too much. The Democratic candidate will either be an admitted democratic socialist or a woman who may have committed a crime. A rogue, incredibly anti-establishment businessman has based his campaign on building a better wall between the United States and Mexico, verbal exchanges with Pope Francis and Rosie O’Donnell jokes. His main opponent has compared anti-Muslim bigotry to hating the New England Patriots. I don’t like Belichick either, but it has apparently been too much to bear for some.

So, why wait? Book that Air Canada ticket right now. Fill out those Canadian study and work visas. Call the estranged uncle living in Saskatchewan and see if he has an open couch. Let’s make Edmonton great again! Or Winnipeg! Run for the (Cypress) Hills! There is no other way.

It is simply inconceivable to mobilize ourselves into responsible citizens. What’s the point of voting, anyway? It’s just one vote; it can’t make a difference. It would take too long to fill out an absentee ballot, anyway. It would just be so much easier to pack up and leave for the Blue Water Bridge border crossing. This is no time for heroics, social change or political responsibility! Restoring the moral fiber of this country takes quite a bit of work, you know; any engagement in political and civic life among students is too much to ask. There’s no need to participate in voter education, registration or mobilization. Will going to an NDVotes ’16 event actually do anything? Historically, mobilized university students have accomplished incredible things in this country, and there is an opportunity now to continue the noble tradition of student activism. Or, instead, there is an opportunity to curl up in a log cabin in Vancouver — with some ketchup chips, poutine and a Labatt Blue — and watch the Leafs take on the Canucks. Much like Trump, it almost sounds too good to be true.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

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  • RandallPoopenmeyer

    Wow, Cape Breton Island is beautiful!
    But, your article… what exactly is the point of it?