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In search of hot dog man

| Monday, September 25, 2017

It was fall of my freshman year, a hot autumn night, a Wednesday to be precise. I was in my room when the phone rang. It was my friend who had a rough day and wanted to do something wild. I, being the adventurous and bold person that I am, told her I would put on my hot dog suit — the one that I casually had lying around my dorm room. We took the 9:20 p.m. bus over to Notre Dame, getting many looks on the ride over. Once at Notre Dame, we embarked on a trip across the quads, yelling strange things at complete strangers. After about a half hour, my friend and I made our way back to the Grotto bus stop.

Suddenly, a large group of male students, clad only in underwear and viking helmets, jogged towards us. They were Siegfried boys, if my sources are correct. They all looked over to see two freshmen girls standing in the moonlight, one wearing a hot dog costume. All at once they started to chant, “Hot dog! Hot dog! Hot dog!” I was stunned — I had forgotten how to interact with the male species, due to the fact that I attend an all-women’s college.

Then, to my utter surprise, the crowd of boys split like the red sea, and out of the sea of men came one hot dog–clad boy sprinting directly towards me. We collided as he screamed in my face: “OMG! We are soulmates!” Alarmed by the events that had just occurred, I simply stared in utter disbelief. All of the mysterious hot dog man’s friends begin a new chant: “Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!”

I did not, in fact, kiss hot dog man. Instead, he ran back into the crowd and out of my life forever. This was my first experience of Notre Dame campus, and I have never forgotten it. In hopes of finding my hot dog suit soulmate, I created a Tinder profile. After many inappropriate hot dog jokes and questions about my real identity, I gave up on my Tinder search. I have yet to meet my hot dog suit soulmate, and often wonder if any of my other chance Notre Dame encounters will live up to the magic of that night.

If you or any of your loved ones knows of him, please help a girl find love and send him my way. Our grandchildren would love to hear our story.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

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