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Horrorscopes

| Wednesday, October 25, 2017

This Halloween, no one is on the cusp of anything great according to these sun sign Horrorscopes.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Your need to outdo other people will harm you this Halloween when you purchase real bats and spiders to display around your room instead of the plastic decoration kind. This tendency to impulse buy will result in critter-cism.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Your insistence on practicality will lose you a social life this season. No one will invite you to viewing parties of Halloween movies because you feel the need to point out all the unrealistic portions, instead of just embracing “Twitches” for what it is.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

People may usually cheer for your excellent communication abilities, but you’ll earn a few boos when a clingy ghost finds you easy to talk to. Your collaboration skills will improve, though, because of your newfound team spirit.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

It’s in your nature to take everything seriously, but if you don’t let loose soon, it could become a grave problem. Remember that you’re not a mummy, and you can unwind a little bit.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

You will play a lot of bowling this Halloween after you befriend a black cat who takes you back to his alley. Your outgoing personality and enthusiasm are to thank for this lucky strike.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Relax and enjoy yourself for once, especially during the holiday season. There’s no need to begin cleaning and organizing a haunted house that you and your friends visit. It’s not even your terror-tory, so put the Tide-to-Go away.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Your desire to forge your own path will make you an excellent Gabriella Montez this Halloween. You can, indeed, go your own way, but watch out for the West High Knights that often ride their horses down the road less traveled.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You will be unable to properly defend yourself against a disloyal friend, for you will end up inadvertently complimenting her Halloween costume when you say that you can see right through her. She dressed up as a ghost.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You’ll regret trusting everyone you see when a witch offers you a free broom ride. As it turns out, she uses a Swiffer to commute, and you have to spend loads of money on the WetJet replacement pads.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Halloween will be a real pain in the neck this year after a vampire bites you. You don’t even earn an “I gave blood” sticker for your trouble. Nonetheless, congrats — he said you taste like cynicism.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You should never have agreed to wear a couples costume, since your individuality always feels the need to shine through. When you seek independence and run away to trick or treat on your own, you are forced to tell everyone you dressed up as the golden snitch because no one recognizes C-3PO without R2-D2.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

When you visit a fortune teller this Halloween, she decides to give up her profession after looking in the crystal ball, for she sees no future in it.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

About Martha Reilly

Martha is a senior majoring in English literature and political science. She currently serves as Saint Mary's editor but still values the Oxford comma in everyday use.

Contact Martha