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Third time not quite the charm

Matt Frey | Tuesday, November 4, 2003

Jenny McCarthy and Pamela Anderson: together for the first time on the big screen. Could my life get any better?

Yes. The movie could have been rated R. You may have heard of Scary Movie or even Scary Movie 2, those infamous scary movies with no plots and too many laughs to count. The commercials promised much of the same in Scary Movie 3; it’s a shame those commercials had every actual joke in them. All I got from this movie was a headache from the 50-year-old man sitting one row over.

I must admit the raunchy and albeit satirical humor did make even this cynical boy crack a smile, ever so slight it may have been, but the movie altogether was just okay. Only 85 minutes long, this movie was run-of-the-mill at best. Although the Wayans brothers are credited with creating several of the main characters in the film (see the Coors Twins), the movie lacked the usual hilarious comedy star power provided by the two brothers and their usual drug/sex antics.

This time, the writers tried too hard and wound up with joke followed by poor humor into another joke in a film that had absolutely no story line whatsoever. Frankly, my 16-year-old cousin loved it and, well, if I were still a young boy inside, I would have died laughing, too. Correction on the last point – college males all still act 16 and, therefore, I did die laughing.

I never knew Charlie Sheen (Tom) could be so hilarious or well, bland, but hey his dad’s commercial for ND is stellar. Anyway, Scary Movie 3 was primarily based on The Ring, which, if you haven’t seen is … well, I am not sure, because I haven’t seen it, either. Simon Rex (George), yes MTV’s very own, did a superb job as a rapping, country farmer. George has a dream to have a dream and becomes a rap battler inspired by 8 Mile. He plays the all-too-typical klutz, the dumb guy that the film takes advantage of for his clichéd dim-witted remarks. Anna Faris (Cindy) does an excellent job acting as the main character of this story as a news reporter known for her left field personality and blonde ways. Cindy has a story on the late news about a new cornfield phenomenon which she promises to get to the bottom of. Her adventures take us through farm and city, surprisingly close together, and the creature of the black lagoon finding her way from the bottom of a well to say “can you hear me now”. Who would have realized that someone confined to living in a ghost world would know the ever-popular cellular phone commercials?

Your ever-popular “teen movie” has struck again in this sequel to the sequel that failed to remember that number two left us a bit, well, unsatisfied. I admit that I waited and waited for Jenny and Pamela to reappear or maybe a rampant display of debaucheries from the twins, but nothing happened. (Tear drop). In fact, this is a movie that can wait until it comes out on video. In fact, it can wait until it is on the five for five for five list. You know – five movies for five days for five dollars … what a deal for all your dull classics. In the Wayans’ defense, I know they tried, but the not-so-original Priest, Michael Jackson and violent humor has run its course. So, save your money, buy a stick of gum at the Huddle and continue on your merry way. We all know that SUB will have it cheap in the spring.

Contact Matt Frey at [email protected]