The Observer is a Student-run, daily print & online newspaper serving Notre Dame & Saint Mary's. Learn more about us.



What’s cooler than being cool? Cold Stone Ice Cream

Megan McFadden and Jessica Stoller | Wednesday, December 1, 2004

After watching hot man after hot man smashed against the Plexiglas at the Notre Dame hockey game, we needed something to cool ourselves down. following a brief incident we’d like to call dodging traffic in the Joyce Center parking lot to find the Red Rocket (Jessica’s car), we emerged unscathed and ready for a moolicious dairy treat. Cold Stone Creamery-or as Jessica’s Dad likes to call it “STONE COLD” Creamery- is located just off of Grape Road near Movies 14. It could be called the Taj Mahal of ice cream parlors.Instead of generic flavors stuffed into cardboard tubs, Cold Stone, as the name implies, plops your ice cream onto a cold marble stone, and will mix in a myriad of delectable toppings. If you’re really brave you can choose your own toppings, but if you want to play it safe you can choose one of their pre-designed palate pleasers. Unfortunately, because of Cold Stone’s popularity, the service was slow and impersonal making it worthy of merely 2.5 sporks. These ice cream-artists should learn a lesson from good ole Henry Ford and develop a more efficient assembly line. Word on the street was that Cold Stone employees would sing at the drop of a coin in the tip jar, but this legend is false. We generously gave them fifty cents, only to receive bitter disappoint and heartache but not heartburn. The atmosphere of Cold Stone provides a family-oriented, but commercially influenced, environment. Enormous photos of ice cream temptresses did not settle well on our stomachs. “Those photos are racist, classist, sexist, and those skinny so-and-so’s couldn’t possibly eat all that creamy goodness and still remain a size two”, Cold Stone customer Erica Valdez said as she feasted on her peanut butter flavored extravaganza. For all these reasons, the atmosphere at Cold Stone only receives 2.75 sporks. The most yummilicious part of Cold Stone is, in fact, the ice cream. Jessica ordered the “Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some” with French vanilla ice cream, caramel, fudge and cookie dough pieces. She proclaimed it was an out of body experience. Megan ordered the “Birthday Cake Remix”. The ice cream comes in very generous sizes entitled “like it,” “love it” and “gotta have it”. “Like it” is more than enough for the average bear, but if you’re having a rough day or have an appetite like Megan’s you might be able to eat a “love it.” The ” gotta have it” is reserved for sumo wrestlers, a family of four, or that guy that ate 100 hot dogs in under an hour. The ice cream is so super splendiferous that we give it five sporks, our highest rating. Even though the average of our rating categories is 3.416666…, by including the imaginary number i for ice cream, Cold Stone most definitely deserves a total of four sporks, a toothpick and some pocket lint. So, if you are dependent on dairy to make your day a delight, skedaddle on down to Cold Stone Creamery and tell them Jessica and Megan sent you. We’re sure they’ll be like “WTF?” to which you can reply “exactly.”