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Four Guys and a Ninja endures rout by ’96 Packers

Kevin Brennan and Tom Dorwart | Wednesday, April 13, 2005

When Four Guys and a Ninja arrived at the McGlinn courts Tuesday night, ’96 Packers immediately feared that its time in Books-tore Basketball would soon come to an end. With captain David “Doc” Prina dressed in an all black ninja suit and shirtless point guard Ed “Easy E” Kummerer donning a top hat, Four Guys and a Ninja looked like the most intimidating hoops squad since the New York Knicks of the mid-’90s. “I just didn’t know if we would be able to keep up with them,” ’96 Packers captain Mike Knapp said. “You never know when that ninja will karate chop you.”The game started off poorly for Four Guys and a Ninja, though. Center and coach John “Rutgers” Everett lost the crucial rock, paper, scissor competition, giving ’96 Packers possession of the ball. Things spiraled out of control from there. ’96 Packers quickly jumped out to a commanding 5-0 lead. Four Guys and a Ninja seemed unable to run the complex motion offense designed by coach “Rutgers.” “I don’t know what to tell you,” a disappointed Everett said. “If a couple more of my running three point shots had gone in, maybe the score would have been different.” Four Guys and a Ninja did have one bright spot, however – in the play and comedy of Kummerer. “Easy E” scored the team’s only point on a beautiful baseline floater. The point guard also entertained the crowd with his demands that Everett pass him “that orange spheroid.” Even Kummerer could not stop the bleeding, though. ’96 Packers forced countless turnovers and completely dominated the game, winning 21-1. The fans of Four Guys and a Ninja were left disappointed and desperately wanting more from their heroes.”I just think the outcome would have been quite different if ‘Rutgers’ had worn overalls,” supporter Joe Becsey said.Four Guys and a Ninja vowed to return to Bookstore Basketball next year with a rejuvenated vigor and a revamped offense.”We will rise like the great phoenix from his ashes,” “Easy E” said.

CoCoa Butter 21, Quilted Northern 3Quilted Northern came into its game against 11th-ranked CoCoa Butter confident it would pull off the upset. “I actually wasn’t scared at all,” Quilted Northern captain Nick Zerhbach said. “We didn’t even practice this week.”Quilted Northern’s confidence could not make up for CoCoa Butter’s vastly superior size and basketball skill, though. CoCoa Butter was led by co-captains Lance Wescher and Celestine “C” Chukumba, along with former Notre Dame wide receiver and current law student Bobby Brown. The game was dominated, though, by CoCoa Butter big man Ron Dokes. Dokes, who played basketball for Duquesne last year and now works for NDSP, dominated the boards and wowed the crowed with a flurry of dunks. CoCoa Butter hopes to go very deep in this year’s tournament.”We’ll be really disappointed if we aren’t in the final four,” Chukumba said. “We really think we are gonna show these youngsters how ball is played.” Quilted Northern, on the other hand, came away surprised and disappointed with the loss.”If it wasn’t for the beverages, we would have beaten them,” dejected Quilted Northern forward Drew Whang said.

We Get Wet 21, The Saltines 12Highly-touted, second-ranked We Get Wet warmed up at one end of the court, and little-known freshmen The Saltines shot around at the other. But it didn’t take long for The Saltines to let their veteran Bookstore opponents know that they were in for a dogfight in front of a large crowd. Freshman Mark Vermeersch nailed a shot beyond the arc to put The Saltines on the board first 1-0, sending the message right away. “We knew they were going to be good; we heard from some commissioners that they should be pretty good,” We Get Wet captain Justin Funk said.Early on, it took some time for both teams to get used to the cold and windy conditions in the evening game, which We Get Wet won 21-12. In a game that was closer than the final score indicated, The Saltines played a gritty, man-to-man defense in the opening half, while We Get Wet used a stingy 2-3 zone defense. Both defenses held up for awhile, as the score sat at 3-2. But, eventually, the much bigger We Get Wet squad pulled ahead for an 11-5 halftime lead, using stellar shooting to gain the edge. “It’s tough drawing the second seed in the second round. They shot the lights out,” Saltines captain Chris Lund said. “It must have been 80 percent.” The hot shooting continued in the second half, but the five freshmen clawed away at the lead, cutting it to 13-8 at one point. As the game drew on, the crowd – which wrapped around the entire court, several people deep – anticipated a close finish. Saltine fans brought a box of saltine crackers for good luck. “We hoarded a good 10 dozen saltines [crackers] to show our support for the team in their big game, but we just couldn’t think of anything creative to do with them besides passing them around, having people eat them and waiving them in the air as noisemakers,” Saltine fan Chris Liedl said. “At least we did get a ‘Which way? That way’ cheer in.” The players appreciated the large, enthusiastic crowd. “That was sweet. Unfortunately, we’re not going any farther,” Lund said. And, though they might have been a little worried at first, We Get Wet players appreciated the competition. “It’s too bad they [The Saltines] couldn’t have been ranked, so we could’ve played in the round of 32 or 64 with refs, so we could’ve had a better game. I think they were all freshmen, so they [the commissioners] might not have heard of them,” Funk said. “They were a good team.”