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Where’s the eight ounce yogurt?

Eric Retter | Friday, February 10, 2006

With all the campaign promises and reforms and controversies swirling around the school, one major University problem has been blatantly overlooked.

The yogurt.

In the past few weeks, the Grab’n’Go’s on campus have cut back, replacing the 8 oz. yogurt cups that had become a staple in my on-the-run lunches with a 6 oz. variety, while still registering them as two items.

Why is this a problem?

Cynics may say I’m upset because I love food, that, given the choice between going to a movie with Rachel McAdams or eating a free, delicious steak, I’d run red lights to get to Outback.

Fair enough.

But what it comes down to is a question of principle. What would happen if we had 25 percent of all aspects of our student life taken away?

What if the University sent lumberjacks to each dorm, armed with a chainsaw and instructed to lop off exactly 22 inches from the 88-inch twin extra-longs?

What if, realizing that rooms didn’t have to be so big and accommodate such luxurious sleeping arrangements, the powers-that-be moved each wall forward three feet and created storage alleys for each residence hall?

I, for one, my legs dangling night after night from the top of my loft, would write mean things in the slowly drying concrete and walk around saying worse, the growing bags under my eyes providing me with all the justification I needed.

In all honesty, 25 percent is a lot. For instance, if a grown man can hit a baseball 25 percent of the time consistently, he makes millions.

Given, these examples might be a little unrealistic, but the point is, percentage-wise, we’re giving up a lot.

Maybe if weekend parietals were moved back to 9:45 p.m. for a night, everyone would realize the value of 25 pecent.

In the end, I’m a realistic man, and I realize that not everything can go my way. Maybe the dining hall is undergoing budget problems, or maybe their suppliers just aren’t nice people and cut the sizes. Whatever it is, I think we could work out a solution, creating a Grab’n’Go that could make everybody happy.

Maybe I’m just venting; maybe I’m the only person who cares. Who knows, maybe I offended someone, and if I did, I apologize.

I get a little grouchy when my stomach’s empty.