It was my golden birthday yesterday. I spent it sexing fruit flies and writing 500 words to fill some space in today's newspaper. If you were to ask me a year ago if I were bitter about my unfortunate weekday birthday, I probably would have responded in language unsuitable for Observer censorship. However since my last birthday, I've come to realize that studying is only one of many inevitable components of life as a student at Notre Dame which, despite my whining, really just makes this year a little more golden.
In the past year, I've learned that college is the great equalizer - a rudimentary form of intellectual socialism, if you will. It's a celebration of the average, where you've been displaced from running in the academically/socially/athletically elite circles to being a dot smack in the middle of your (insert class) first exam bell curve. And if you're anything like me, you don't like that dot. So as a necessary matter of consequence, studying is the only remedy for college mediocrity.
In the past year, I've also learned that studying isn't everything, and that much like your physical nutrition, your mental health in general needs generous allotments of playtime. For instance, I've learned that there's nothing quite like slugging, kicking, bunting or setting a ball around to take your mind off of that first exam. And there's nothing quite like running or walking the lake figure-eight to mull over the deeper issues in life.
I've learned that there's nothing quite like going out on the weekends to discover the various quirks of your friends. For instance, if you lay down in a dorm room with other people in it, you will be mounted - the proof of which will be publicized on Facebook. Here, there's no room for being even remotely homophobic as spooning and butt-grabbing among friends are expected Friday events and token signs of mutual affection.
I've also learned that certain issues on campus will always be perpetuated to bring about the politically incorrect sides of everyone - for all to experience. I really do try not to be so negative about things like academic freedom, but there's only so much I actually want to hear about other people's genitalia. Sorry, advocates of "The Vagina Monologues," but sex was meant to be far simpler.
Likewise, I'm still a little unclear on what diversity at Notre Dame is or if it's actually an issue. I could be wrong, but I believe it was an old, old wooden ship used during the Civil War era.
In the end, it doesn't matter if you're the bum who gets thrown out of Recker's for not wearing shoes or if you are the student who sets his or her mind to excelling academically. The two, after all, are not in conflict, but in complement, because in the end, all these components serve to define you as a student and a person here.
I still have 12 more words, so make good choices, and you stay classy, Notre Dame.
