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Tuesday, April 16, 2024
The Observer

Solo cups, parades and dryer fires

When I signed the lease for my house on St. Pete's Street, I wasn't aware of what I was getting myself into.

I knew that I was somewhat obligated to host PigTostal in my backyard, walk to Corby's on Tuesday nights and make friends with the occasional townies in the neighborhood. What I was not aware of was all of the insanity that comes with life as an off-campus senior.

In the first seven weeks of living off-campus, I feel as though I could write a book on the happenings that I have encountered. But instead, I am going to give you the sure-tell signs that let you know you are an off-campus senior.

You know you are an off-campus senior when you have Solo cups in your front yard on a regular basis.

You know you are an off-campus senior when you wake up to firefighters outside your house extinguishing your neighbors clothes dryer fire.

You know you are an off-campus senior when your car gets broken into.

You know you are an off-campus senior when you are on a first name basis with the local cops.

You know you are an off-campus senior when you wake up to a man digging through your garbage and later see him riding off on his bike with a bag full of your trash.

You know you are an off-campus senior when you are on a first name basis with the employees at the Family Dollar and invite them to your parties. No, he did not come.

You know you are an off-campus senior when you start tailgating on non-football weekends.

You know you are an off-campus senior when you form a parade with your neighbors and walk to the stadium for the game.

You know you are an off-campus senior when several months after your 21st and three official forms of identification later you are denied admittance into the fine establishment that is Finnegan's.

You know you are an off-campus senior when you have the South Bend Police Department on speed dial. For non-emergencies, please call 574-235-9201. Ask for Wanda.

You know you're an off-campus senior when you notice you are losing weight because there is not a frozen yogurt machine at your dispense.

You know you are an off-campus senior when an intoxicated neighbor shatters his front door window in order to use the restroom. Don't worry; they patched the missing window with a Lindsay Lohan poster.

And last but not least, you know you are an off-campus senior when your life is everything you thought it would never be, but you love every minute of it anyway.