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America the [censored]

Letter to the Editor | Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Twenty years after the greatest American of all-time, Ronald Reagan, defeated Communism with his bare hands, traces of Communism are starting to creep back right here at Notre Dame. As Bookstore Basketball kicks off, I can’t help but notice that the censorship of team names closely resembles the same censorship that defined Soviet Russia during the Cold War.

“5 Guys that Love Tim Hardaway … But in a Totally Hetero Way,” now known as “Team 51,” are simply five guys who admire the basketball skills of anyone who can average 17.7 points per game and a staggering 8.2 assists per game over 15 years in the NBA. We are just trying to show our support for an NBA legend, regardless of how the liberal media portrays him off the court.

A friend of mine’s team, “The Sticky Bandits” was censored and replaced with “Team 201.” As many of you do know, and all of you should know, the Sticky Bandits were the bad guys from Home Alone 2 and also a sequel to this guy’s team from last year, “The Wet Bandits” (from the original Home Alone). After a week of confusion over his censored name, my buddy hopped on UrbanDictionary.com to find that the Sticky Bandit is also a vulgar sexual act, the details of which I will leave out of this letter.

I know that Student Activities has started using UrbanDictionary to try to stay on top of all the new, hip lingo kids are using nowadays, but anyone can post a definition, regardless of whether or not it is actually common slang. I myself have added the definition for “Rock the Cashbox,” even though I am pretty sure no one outside a handful of people have ever used the phrase. Completely appropriate teams such as “Kittens and Puppies,” “Sunshine,” and “The Little Engine That Could” are all names that were unjustly censored this year for unknown reasons.

Just as our Forefathers believed when they founded this great nation of ours, it is a much worse evil to censor the freedom of innocent people than to allow those with wrong intentions to speak freely.

Student Activities, open this gate.

Student Activities, tear down this wall.

Tom Martin


Siegfried Hall

April 3